This post was co-authored with Philip Cozzolino, Ph.D., of the University of Virginia Health System.
“I had one specific out-of-body experience that was life-changing for me. I found myself ‘floating’ in the middle of a vast void—deep black—existing as a point of consciousness, connected to all that is, was, and will be. I felt the most overwhelming sense of pure LOVE—far beyond anything I had ever experienced, even as a mother who would die for her son—along with profound peace, joy, and bliss. During that experience, I felt completely at home and had no desire to return. I understood, with absolute certainty, that we continue to exist beyond physical death in a different form. From that moment on, I was no longer afraid of dying.
Long story short, after years of personal experiences, I decided to change my life completely—turning it 180 degrees. My materialistic worldview no longer made sense, and nothing resonated with me anymore. My personal—though subjective—experience led me to understand that we are all part of the same ‘whole,’ and that our purpose here is to evolve, both individually and collectively. This evolution, I realized, can only happen through love and compassion. I have become a softer, more compassionate, and more patient person—less judgmental than before. I left my old life behind and started anew: a new city, a new profession, new friends. I needed to find people who were on the same path.”
–V.B. Out-of-body experiencer. Personal communication with MW.
We live in a time when the pursuit of happiness has never been more highly valued. In recent years, we’ve seen the flourishing of positive psychology, aimed at understanding how people can become more satisfied with their lives. However, this pursuit of happiness often seems to create a frustrating paradox: Many find themselves stuck in unfulfilling jobs, languishing in stagnant relationships, and generally feeling trapped in a life that does not resonate with their true selves. This often stems from a deep fear of change—not merely a resistance to new technologies or routine disruptions, but a more profound hesitation that paralyzes decision-making and stifles personal growth.
The discomfort associated with breaking from the status quo—even when the status quo is clearly unsatisfying—leads individuals to accept a state of quiet dissatisfaction and compromise rather than face the intimidating prospect of transformation. While this reluctance is often attributed to fear of the unknown, a closer examination reveals a deeper fear: the fear of fully embracing life. This fear is subtly interwoven with our awareness of mortality.
It’s a profound paradox—we inherently desire to live vibrant, meaningful lives, yet we often hesitate to confront the very realities that shape and define our existence. The root of this resistance? Our awareness of death.
Terror Management Theory: Finding Meaning in the Immutable
To the extent that people do contemplate death, these thoughts for many are often driven by fear and denial—fear rooted in the conscious awareness that death is inevitable. In search of comfort, people frequently turn to meaning and security in what appears unchanging: religious beliefs, established social norms, and cultural traditions.
This tendency aligns with terror management theory, which posits that these so-called “cultural worldviews” serve as psychological buffers against the existential anxiety provoked by death awareness. By internalizing these worldviews and conforming to their expectations, individuals gain self-esteem, a sense of belonging, and a feeling of security in the face of the unknown—namely, death. However, this fear-driven process can also foster intolerance and rigidity: any perceived threat to one’s worldview is interpreted as an existential danger, often triggering defensiveness and prejudice.
For worldviews to function as effective anxiety buffers, individuals must pay close attention to societal expectations and conform accordingly. Being a “good” member of one’s religion, culture, political group, or even family (all classic examples of worldviews) provides a sense of meaning and self-worth that mitigates existential fear. This isn’t inherently problematic, as we are social beings with a core psychological need to connect with similar others. The potential danger lies in allowing these social constructs to do all—or most—of our existential work for us.
If we delegate this essential task to external structures with their own demands on who we should be, we risk living lives largely dictated by external forces that may not always align with our inner values and desires. Making such compromises can set us on a path of inauthentic living—making choices and behaving according to what society or our worldview expects of us, rather than who we truly are.
The Transformative Potential of Extraordinary Experiences
Interestingly, transformative experiences such as near-death experiences (NDEs) and out-of-body experiences (OBEs) may offer a powerful antidote to this paralyzing fear. Individuals who undergo such profound events often report a dramatic shift in their perspective on life. Notably, these people often report feeling less beholden to external expectations and a desire to take more of an active role in their lives. They tend to become less attached to material values, express greater gratitude for life, and frequently report a newfound belief in the immortality of their existence.
This shift gives rise to a renewed appreciation for simply being alive, accompanied by a significant reduction in death anxiety. This altered consciousness enables individuals to reassess their priorities, release the fears that once governed their choices, and embrace a life more closely aligned with their authentic self.
Cultural anthropologist Ernest Becker once said our deepest need is to be free of the fear of death, but it is life itself that awakens that fear. So, according to him, we must shrink from being fully alive. Although this is one path we can take to deal with our existential anxiety (and maybe it’s even the default path), there is another way.
The alternative model—developed by psychologist Philip Cozzolino (coauthor of this post) and inspired by research on NDEs and post-traumatic growth—suggests that directly confronting mortality, rather than denying it, can help individuals integrate death into their understanding of life. Such integration, in turn, can reduce the influence of societal expectations and obligations, empowering people to take a more active and conscious role in shaping their own lives.
Imagine the weight that lifts when the fear of the ultimate unknown—death—loses its grip on you and allows you to grab hold of your life. Realizing that life is precious can serve as a powerful catalyst, motivating individuals to embrace change, take calculated risks, and pursue paths that truly reflect their passions and values, just as V.B. did after her OBE.
Confronting the fear of change, then, requires a deeper exploration of our relationship with mortality (or even immortality). Through this confrontation, we can begin to dismantle the psychological barriers that prevent us from living fully. The journey toward a more authentic and meaningful life doesn’t begin by denying the inevitable—it begins by embracing it, and allowing that awareness to guide our decisions, relationships, and sense of purpose.
That said, most of us will never have a spontaneous OBE or NDE. The good news is: you don’t necessarily need to. Simply reading about NDEs, for example, has been shown to foster greater appreciation for life, deeper compassion, a heightened sense of spirituality, and a reduced fear of death. And for those more experientially inclined, there’s even better news—OBEs can be intentionally induced through techniques primarily based on meditation and visualization.
Regardless of which path you choose, recognizing the impermanent nature of physical existence allows us to focus on what truly matters. It frees us from the chains of fear and empowers us to see change not as a threat to our sense of stability but as an invitation to grow, to express ourselves authentically, and to live a fuller, richer life. In this light, transformative experiences serve as powerful reminders that life—with all its uncertainties—is meant to be lived fully, truthfully, and without reservation.