You’re standing on the edge of a platform, eyes closed, heart pounding in your chest. You’re about to fall backward, relying on someone to catch you in a classic trust fall. It’s not just your physical safety you’re handing over to them, but your emotional well-being too. How do you feel? Vulnerable and uncertain, or confident and excited?
That moment of suspended uncertainty is the essence of trust in relationships. It’s the act of vulnerability: letting go of control and believing, despite the risks, that someone will be there to catch you before you hit the ground. It’s about having faith that others will be there when you need them most.
Where someone falls on the trust spectrum often depends on their experiences. Trust isn’t just shaped by your current partner, whether it’s been reinforced or broken, but also by the past. Early experiences with parents, caregivers, and friends, as well as current and former romantic partners, lay the foundation for how safe or vulnerable we feel when relying on others. Over time, these patterns contribute to our ability to trust. Do we build walls or bridges? Do we brace for impact, or do we trust the landing?
Trust is one of those qualities we rely on every day without thinking about it, until it’s gone. For those who have deep trust in their partner, they engage in the trust fall regularly. Over time, it becomes instinctive and automatic, they no longer question whether they’ll be caught. It’s just a given.
But what happens when trust disappears? You fall back, expecting the arms of the person you’ve entrusted to catch you, only to feel the hard thud of the ground beneath you, or worse, you nosedive into the jagged rocks below. Betrayal, fear, and shock hit like a tidal wave, leaving you gasping for air and trying to regain your footing.
The emotional fallout of broken trust can be severe. While not everyone experiences betrayal as a trauma, research by Laaser and colleagues (2017) found that 60.89 percent of women who experienced relational betrayal met the criteria for PTSD as outlined in the DSM-5. The majority of women in the study (96 percent) reported that the betrayal was “very traumatic” in their lives, with more than half (56.7 percent) identifying it as the most traumatic event they had ever experienced. These findings highlight the profound emotional impact betrayal has and underscore the complex trauma that can result from broken trust.
Yet, healing is possible, even in the aftermath of relational betrayal. According to Laaser and colleagues (2017), many individuals who initially experience intense distress after betrayal later report experiencing post-traumatic growth in areas such as personal strength, emotional resilience, and spiritual change. (It’s important to note that while some researchers view post-traumatic growth as genuine personal development, others see it as an illusory defense or a coping mechanism for trauma.)
In Coexistence with Pain
Post-traumatic growth isn’t about simply moving on from the betrayal, it coexists with the pain. It provides clarity on what works and what doesn’t in a relationship, along with the ability to set healthy boundaries. Such growth, as a direct result of betrayal, helps individuals rebuild from the emotional wreckage.
For example, someone who once feared coming across as jealous or insecure might learn to communicate their needs more effectively. Instead of keeping silent, they might say, “When you spend time alone with this colleague, I feel uncomfortable. Let’s talk about how we can both feel secure in our relationship.” They can learn that expressing their needs doesn’t make them weak, it makes them stronger and more connected to their partner.
Healing from betrayal isn’t just about time, it’s about how you use that time. Individual therapy, especially with a clinician trained in trauma or relational betrayal, can provide a safe space to process emotions and rebuild self-worth. Support groups can help normalize the experience and remind individuals they’re not alone. Psychoeducational resources like books, podcasts, or workshops may provide insights into relational healing. For partners choosing to repair their relationship, couples therapy can help restore trust. While the path to healing looks different for everyone, having the right tools can make a significant difference.
Now, you’re standing on the edge of that platform once again. Your eyes are closed, and your heart pounds in your chest. You’re about to fall backward, for the first time since trust was broken and repaired. The edge feels familiar, but the fall is different now. You’ve experienced the fragile nature of trust and the long, sometimes painful, but ultimately transformative process of healing. You are different, too. As you lean back, you recognize the strength you’ve developed through post-traumatic growth—the emotional resilience, the courage, and the understanding of your own needs. You still choose to trust again, but this time, it’s a conscious decision rather than a leap of faith.