In my work, I have come to appreciate in-depth the impact of major life transitions on our well-being and how short-term therapy can significantly help people feel more prepared and calm throughout their journey. In addressing and giving voice to worries and naming the particular barriers toward the goal or desired outcome, therapy helps individuals address their anxieties, manage stress more effectively, and feel more prepared while moving through a particular life transition. According to recent research, sustained engagement may be particularly adaptive during difficult life course transitions that challenge motivational resources, such as when entering college, having a first child, or being diagnosed with a chronic disease (Hamm et al., 2013; Heckhausen, Wrosch, & Fleeson, 2001; Schilling et al., 2016).
Managing the Challenges of Major Life Transitions
Navigating major life transitions can pose complicated challenges across the lifespan. Over the years as a therapist, I have noticed that people often seek treatment when they are contemplating, preparing for, or in the midst of a major life change of some sort, (i.e. getting married, breaking up, moving, retiring, shifting intimate relationship dynamics, navigating family of origin changes, and the transition to parenthood, to name a few.) Often therapy is valuable during these transitional times, as it allows participants the much-needed space and the slowing down to actually explore and address their particular concerns in a way that helps support their decisions and a sense of peace.
The Transition to Parenthood as a Uniquely Vulnerable Time
Becoming a parent is often seen as one of life’s greatest joys, but it also brings major challenges. Sleepless nights, shifting personal roles or responsibilities, and the pressure to “get it right” can leave new parents feeling disconnected, frustrated, and overwhelmed. Often short-term, targeted therapeutic support is what’s most helpful and practical during this unique transition. Transition to parenthood therapy can be a powerful and important part of your planning process. A skilled and specialized relationship therapist can help realistically prepare you for the stressors, strengthen your bond with a partner, improve communication, and support you in this life-changing transition.
Staying Engaged in Your Unique Process
Often the therapy can be short-term in nature yet yield powerful and lasting results. Therapy facilitates this process by helping the client(s) to stay meaningfully engaged with their life and the specific domains they have deemed important to life satisfaction. As a therapist, it is deeply rewarding to help both individuals and partners navigate their unique major life transitions so that they have increased clarity and confidence, and feel more at peace with how to move forward during a challenging time. According to a recent study that explored the transition to retirement, most people are motivated to actively shape their lives by engaging with central life domains. Consistent evidence shows that engagement (active goal pursuit) facilitates adaptation in multiple domains and throughout the adult life span (Chipperfield & Perry, 2006; Haase, Heckhausen, & Wrosch, 2013; Hall et al., 2010; Hamm et al., 2015; Shane & Heckhausen, 2016).
Relationship Therapy Can Prepare You for the Expansion of Family
As a relationship therapist with specific expertise in helping individuals and partners transition to parenthood, I have a keen appreciation for just how vulnerable a time this can be for many. Often there is so much focus on the joyful, positive planning aspects, that the realities of the changes or shifts in identity and roles are not adequately considered or addressed, resulting in unrealistic expectations and unanticipated challenges. In addition to the common struggles it can also be a uniquely complex time for many when it comes to high-risk pregnancies, the process of adoption, navigating surrogacy, or single parent by choice experiences, for example. Studies show that the majority of couples experience a decline in marital satisfaction and increased conflict during this time (Cowan & Cowan, 2000; Howard & Brooks-Gunn, 2009; Lawrence, Cobb, Rothman, Rothman, & Bradbury, 2008; Shapiro, Gottman, & Carrè re, 2000).
Relationship researchers who have extensively studied the transition to parenthood found that 67% of couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction after having a baby. Research highlights several of the key challenges, which include: increased conflict and decreased satisfaction, emotional disconnection, imbalance in responsibilities, and a decline in intimacy. A therapist who has a specialty in the transition to parenthood can be invaluable in helping partners and individuals navigate these challenges, strengthen their connection to community, and create a solid foundation for their growing family.
Improving Communication and Managing Stress
One of the primary benefits of working with a specialized relationship therapist during this time is improving communication within the support system. The demands of parenting can make it difficult for partners to express their needs and emotions clearly. A therapist helps participants develop healthier communication patterns, ensuring that partners feel heard and understood rather than frustrated or dismissed. In addition, therapy also allows you to slow down and gain insight into your specific needs. Perhaps there are changes in time management or work schedules that might be needed or are upcoming—therapy provides a space to evaluate your specific challenges carefully and set up the right support system so you can feel more at ease over the course of this major transition.
Repair and Responsiveness
Another key benefit of therapy is resolving conflict in a productive way. Disagreements are inevitable when adjusting to new responsibilities, but unresolved or unexpressed tension can lead to resentment—which can deteriorate the quality of an intimate relationship. A skilled therapist teaches couples how to address conflicts constructively, offering tools to de-escalate arguments and find solutions that work for both partners. Through in session activities, meaningful discussion, and tailored assignments, partners practice new skills and deepen their appreciation and responsiveness toward each other.
Clarifying Roles and Responsibilities
A therapist also provides guidance and the space to explore shifting roles. Many couples struggle with feeling overwhelmed or disconnected as they adjust to their new responsibilities. A therapist can help partners identify imbalances in workload, discuss expectations openly, and create a fair and supportive system for managing childcare and household duties. In addition, therapy can provide a valuable opportunity to assess needs and identify community supports so individuals feel better equipped to navigate the upcoming demands or changes associated with this transition.
Intimacy and Connection
Maintaining intimacy and emotional connection is another critical area where therapy is beneficial. Many couples experience a decline in physical and emotional closeness due to exhaustion and shifting priorities. A therapist helps partners explore ways to maintain affection, intimacy, and quality time together, strengthening their bond amidst the demands of parenting.
Acknowledging and Addressing Differences
Additionally, therapy can help align parenting styles and values. When partners have different approaches to discipline, routines, or caregiving, tension can arise. A therapist facilitates discussions around parenting philosophies, helping partners find common ground and work as a team rather than opponents. In creating a caring and warm atmosphere at home, where differences can be honored and worked through, partners are more likely to experience greater ease and satisfying connection during this time.
Support and Encouragement
Perhaps most importantly, a therapist offers emotional support and reassurance. The transition to parenthood is overwhelming, and many couples experience self-doubt, stress, and anxiety. A skilled therapist provides a non-judgmental space for partners to express their fears and frustrations while offering practical tools to manage stress and nurture their relationship.
Relationship therapy for the transition to parenthood can offer invaluable support during a particularly vulnerable time. Feeling confident, more prepared, and better equipped for the many changes and challenges can help make this unique time go as smoothly as possible. By creating space to explore and unpack concerns in a supportive space, new parents can strengthen their relationships within their support system, navigate challenges with greater ease, and create a loving, supportive home for their growing family.