We are living in an age in which chasing happiness seems to be a leading value of society, and this is most evident in how we are choosing to raise our children.
Parents and caregivers are often preoccupied with the importance of ensuring that kids are “happy,” sometimes at all costs. As a parent myself, I am keenly aware of how providing my kids with what they want—toys, treats, or screen time—can be relieving, gratifying, and momentarily satisfying, both for my kids and for me, especially in the moments of quiet, tranquility, and reprieve their state of happiness can induce.
However, if we overfocus on efforts to stave off discomfort and rely on the pursuit of “happiness” as a top driver in how we choose to raise our children, we may be doing our kids a disservice. Happiness is important and necessary but in balanced and healthy dosages.
While such objects and states of happiness can bring an immediate smile and an excited visceral reaction, they offer fleeting satisfaction. True emotional well-being comes not from intermittent momentary happiness but from something deeper: joy.
The Benefits of Joy
Vietnamese Zen master Thích Nhất Hạnh explained that happiness often depends on external circumstances—achieving a goal, receiving a reward, getting a favorite dessert, or avoiding discomfort, whereas joy is an unconditional state of being that stems from within. It is not so tied to external events. It is a dispositional accepting approach to life that can be cultivated through the practice of mindfulness and intentionality.
For older children and teens, happiness might mean unlimited time on their phone or with friends. But what happens when the external event fades? Happiness vanishes as quickly as it arrives and a variety of uncomfortable emotions and thoughts can begin to percolate.
In a world filled with endless opportunities for those quick hits of dopamine which can become quite addictive, it’s no wonder that our children and teens are concurrently logging a growing sense of emptiness, numbness, and anxiety.
According to a CDC report released in 2024, about 40 percent of teens reported persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness, and 20 percent reported considering suicide in the previous year.
Rather than chasing the “happiness fix” that exists outside oneself, joy comes from within and is rooted in mindfulness and appreciation of the present moment. The benefits of developing a sense of joy are:
- Developing a sense of awareness of and capacity to experience all feelings, even the uncomfortable ones. Joy is a feeling of being and learning to feel grounded and at home within oneself, including all of our diverse emotions, experiences, and thoughts.
- Cultivating joy can benefit brain development by building and strengthening neural pathways that support a joyful state of being through slowing down thought processes and incorporating more mindful activities.
- Joy allows kids to find fulfillment in simple experiences such as playing outside, drawing a picture, or sharing a laugh with loved ones.
- Joy builds resilience and allows children to learn to accept, process, and grow from challenging experiences. When kids learn to find joy in everyday moments, they become more adaptable and better equipped to handle setbacks.
- Joy often comes from meaningful connections and supports building more meaningful connections. Whether it’s playing a game with friends or cuddling with a parent, joyful moments create strong bonds and a sense of belonging. These connections provide a foundation of emotional security for children.
- Joyful kids can be more curious, creative, and engaged. Children are born with a natural sense of wonder about the world. When that wonder about the world is supported and not numbed out with too much technology and devices, they’re more likely to explore, create, and learn—key elements of their cognitive and emotional development.
How to Cultivate Joy in Children
- Practice being present together: Teach kids to focus on the present moment. Take a walk and notice the sights, sounds, and smells. Encourage them to savor simple activities like drawing, reading, or eating a favorite snack.
- Practice being a kind emotional container: Help kids develop an awareness of their emotions while holding with compassion and care. Encourage them to visualize themselves as “fluffy and comfortable containers” for their various emotions.
- Model joy: Children often mirror adults. Show them how to find joy in everyday life by expressing gratitude, laughing, and staying present. As parents and caregivers, we must work on finding and maintaining a joyful intent so children can learn from us.
- Prioritize connection: Spend quality time with your children. Share activities that bring you both joy, whether it’s baking cookies, playing a game, or simply talking about your day. Planning family connection time that provides space for open and honest communication is essential.
- Encourage play: There can be a tendency to overschedule our kids. Providing windows of time that have no planned activities and are not device-dependent can be very restorative. Unstructured playtime allows children to explore their imaginations and discover what brings them joy. Let them lead the way and embrace their creativity.
- Educate about technology and limit its use: Set limits on the amount of time kids can spend online while providing them with psychoeducation about the dangers of overusing technology and its impact on their well-being.
In Conclusion
In the end, raising joyful children is not about shielding them from discomfort or constantly seeking to make them “happy.” It’s about helping them discover the joy that already exists within them so they can face the world with resilience, gratitude, and an open heart. Approaching life with a joyful heart is like any other skill that can be developed through practice, intention, and effort.
It’s time we slow things down for our kids—something that can feel increasingly challenging in this fast-paced world—and remind them of the ground of joy they can cultivate within themselves that can provide them with more meaning, security, and overall life satisfaction.
By teaching children to cultivate joy rather than over-focusing on what can be the never-ending pursuit of happiness, we provide them with a lifelong gift: the ability to find peace and fulfillment, no matter the circumstances.