Last weekend, I conducted a quick experiment by asking people what happiness means to them. Many mentioned finding happiness in nature, doing favorite activities, sharing experiences, or being with loved ones. All these personal definitions, including the one from my 12-year-old son, for whom happiness is “having a never-ending Yes day”* match what researchers have found when they’ve looked more closely at what happiness is.
Happiness is often used by scientists interchangeably with “subjective well-being,” which can be assessed by asking people about their life satisfaction (cognitive component), the balance of positive and negative emotions they experience (emotional component), and their sense of meaning in life (eudaimonic component).
While many factors that influence happiness are beyond our control, some evidence-based strategies like sociability and gratitude increase our chances of feeling happy.1 Today I’d like to add another one to the list: mindfulness. Practicing mindfulness offers numerous benefits and helps foster a deeper understanding, which can be summarized by the following three ideas2: (1) nothing lasts forever, (2) sh*t happens, and (3) don’t take things personally.
Nothing lasts forever
Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present while developing the ability to step back from whatever arises without clinging to it. Although we kind of know that nothing lasts forever, we tend to assign a sense of permanence and stability to things that happen around us, including our own identity. But what if we could fully appreciate and learn from each moment in life even though it will change? Recent research3 shows that one mechanism through which mindfulness enhances meaning in life is by allowing us to take a step back from the experience called decentering while bringing attention to positive experience. The movie “About Time” beautifully illustrates this concept through the main character, who can travel back in time to relive moments and appreciate them beyond their worries. By the end, he learns to live each day without needing to go back, choosing instead to live it “as if it was the final day of his extraordinary life.”
Sh*t happens
We might be tempted to focus only on the happy moments and search for the never-ending Yes day, but research shows that if you focus too much on being happy, it can actually make you feel worse.4 Mindfulness encourages us to move beyond the idea of happiness as good and sadness as bad,5 emphasizing the importance of acceptance. In fact, research shows that acceptance is an essential mechanism for managing emotions effectively.6 By saying to ourselves, It’s OK to feel this way, or It’s OK not to like this, we can increase positive feelings,7 improve well-being,8 or even help ourselves to remember with fewer details daily negative events.9 So, next time you have a bad day, try to practice acceptance instead of chasing happy moments.
Don’t take things personally
We all have the capacity for conscious self-reflection, which allows us to imagine, plan, and improve ourselves. However, focusing too much on ourselves can lead to over-identification with our own views, causing us to exaggeratedly protect and defend them. This individualistic focus is often amplified by society, especially through social media, where we share everything from perfect meals to workouts, turning ourselves into self-proclaimed celebrities. This excessive self-focus can negatively affect our relationships, happiness, and overall well-being.
Our brain also plays a role in this. It constantly predicts and interprets the world based on our past experiences, which may reinforce this rigid sense of self. Although more rigorous empirical research is needed, experts believe that meditation can help us break this pattern by changing how the brain predicts and processes information. This, in turn, can lead to a more flexible sense of identity10 and improved mental health.11
So, is mindfulness a magic pill for happiness? I would say no. However, what experts agree on is that mindfulness shifts our perspective on happiness. It teaches us that happiness isn’t a goal to chase or a quick fix to be found. Rather, it encourages us to be fully present in each moment, whether it feels pleasant or not. It also promotes going beyond an individual focus to include an ethical view and interconnectedness. In this way, mindfulness nurtures not just our individual growth but a broader sense of shared and collective fulfillment.
*A whole day when caregivers agree to say “yes” to almost any reasonable request their children make, like eating dessert for breakfast, building a pillow/blanket/furniture fort in the living room, doing a marathon of video games, or wearing pajamas outside the house.
This piece was written as a part of a collection of beautiful writings entitled “What Is Happiness?” for The Summer School Times, organized by the University of Amsterdam (The Netherlands). The amazing illustration was created by Anna Formilan.