In my therapy office, client after client, in session after session, has been expressing feelings of anxiety, distress, and despair. The unpredictability of recent events has fostered a widespread feeling of instability, as people grapple with the unknown and its potential impacts on daily life. The conversation we have been having, over and over, is about how to find calm in the midst of chaos.
The human mind tends to be uncomfortable with the unknown. It equates uncertainty with danger. When confronted with rapidly growing unknowns and uncertainty, and facing unfamiliar circumstances, it stands to reason that anxiety and fear will follow. When the rate or volume of change is high, it can overwhelm cognitive capacity, making it difficult to absorb, analyze, and respond to new developments.
While some degree of anxiety, worry, or fear is natural—and also appropriate—there are practices you can engage in to help you find and maintain a sense of calm in the midst of the chaos.
1. Focus on the here and now.
It is natural, in the face of uncertainty, to think ahead, into the future, trying to anticipate all the bad things that could happen or things that could go wrong. This is a natural response as the human mind tries to protect you by preparing for potential bad outcomes.
But while it is a natural response, it is not always a helpful one. In times of stress or distress, it is important to keep your focus on what is true and what you know, right now. This narrows your focus and attention and places it on what is, not what if.
Your true power, resourcefulness, and resilience exist in the present moment, not your future worries. And when facing unknowns and uncertainties, it is impossible to accurately predict what will happen. Rather than fueling your anxiety by trying to guess and anticipate what could happen, accepting the unknown and focusing on what is will bring more calm and resourceful action.
2. Slow down.
You have to conserve your energy for the long haul, rather than burning it out quickly. Slowing down also allows you to be more precise and effective with your efforts.
If you are reacting frenetically or impulsively, you may either burn yourself out or feel like you are flailing. Slowing down allows you to bring intention and focus to your actions. It is the difference between reacting and responding.
Ways you can practice slowing down include:
- Limiting your exposure to news and media
- Taking breaks for rest and self-care
- Allowing time for reflection
- Meditating
- Practicing mindfulness—whatever you are doing, do it with your full attention and all of your senses engaged
- Connecting with loved ones
3. Focus on what you can control.
When so much feels like it is outside of your control, it is essential to focus on what is in your control. No matter what the circumstances or how overwhelming they may be, there will always be something in your control. Naming this may counteract feelings of powerlessness, helplessness, and victimization.
Placing your focus on what you can control is also an important guide for where to expend your energy and efforts. If you feel the need to act, act within your sphere of influence. This may be your immediate family, your friends, your community, volunteerism, or political activism.
4. Ask for help.
If you are directly and negatively affected by the chaos surrounding you, ask for help. There is no value, honor, or extra credit given for going it alone.
Often, pride, the worry of burdening others, or the fear of seeming weak become obstacles to seeking help. Remember that we suffer most in isolation and thrive and heal in connection. Not only does asking for help potentially benefit you, but it also gives the people who care about you a tangible way to counter their own feelings of helplessness.
5. Notice “glimmers” and practice gratitude.
When facing challenges, you may find yourself overly focused on negativity and your fears. The human brain is wired to magnify problems because, from an evolutionary standpoint, survival depends on anticipating and responding to threats. Additionally, the brain gives more weight to negative experiences than positive ones because recognizing danger is crucial for survival. This means potential threats often feel more significant than positive developments.
To serve as a counterbalance to this innate wiring, noticing “glimmers” and moments of gratitude can be a meaningful practice. Glimmers is a term coined by Deb Dana, author of The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, to describe small moments of safety, connection, or joy that help regulate the nervous system and bring a sense of calm. These moments can be things like a smile from a stranger, a message from a loved one or friend, laughter, or listening to your favorite song. They are the opposite of triggers.
Gratitude is the practice of noticing and appreciating the positive aspects of your life, just as it is. It is appreciation for what is working and good in your life, and to those who have contributed to your well-being.
In times of uncertainty, finding calm is not about eliminating chaos, but about cultivating practices that anchor you in the present, restore your sense of agency, and nurture connection. By slowing down, focusing on what you can control, seeking support, and intentionally noticing moments of safety and gratitude, you can create steadiness within, even when the world around you feels unsteady.