“This is the real secret of life—to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. Instead of calling it work, realize it is play.” —Alan Watts
As an Employee Assistance Professional (EAP), I’ve witnessed an alarming increase in the number of people who are showing up to work and reporting a mental health crisis that includes thoughts of suicide.
One of the standard questions that arise when someone reaches out in the workplace regarding a mental health crisis is whether or that person should remain on the job or be placed out on leave to receive necessary support. While the decision varies based on job responsibilities, an individual’s history of mental health problems, and the nature of the self-harm comments, one response I hear repeatedly is that the employee wants to remain at work due to it being the one place where they feel safe. Whether it be a sense of purpose, a distraction, or a refuge from problems at home, it’s clear that while many people find their jobs intensely stressful and a threat to their mental well-being, many others find solace and safety at work.
Even when the workplace is a source of stress that has a direct impact on the employee’s mental health, I’ve heard “Sending me home will make it worse.” While some of this has to do with the direct impact of the possible loss or reduction of income, comments such as, “I will just be staring at the walls,” make it clear that showing up for work has provided a sense of structure and balance and removing that feels like opening a trap door into darkness.
These experiences point to the love/hate relationship many people have with their jobs. National surveys routinely point to work as a primary source of stress. The World Health Organization (WHO) lists 4 mental health benefits that come from working but 13 work-related “risks to mental health.” It would not be surprising if the Surgeon General one day requires all workplaces to post the warning, “Showing up here is hazardous to your health.”
As a therapist and EAP, I work daily with people who can site chapter-and-verse the threats to their sanity they find while at work. Upon further exploration, however, it’s clear that some of the complaints are just standard responses to life situations that are playing out in the arena of the job site. Conflict with coworkers is a prime example of interpersonal problems that are showcased on the playground of the workplace.
A prime example of how we have been programed to see work as inherently stressful and that one has to choose between employment and sanity is the work/life balance phenomenon. A routine request that I received early in my career was to show up at a worksite and lead attendees through the process of evaluating how their time is spent at work and home and reorient their priorities as needed. In all honesty, it was seldom revelatory or helpful. Almost everyone showed up already sensing that they were giving more at the office than at home and that was causing them to feel stressed and, in some cases, shamed for thinking work was more important. I believe peer pressure—the “If you’re not miserable, you ain’t one of us” mantra—kept anyone who attended those trainings from divulging that they were actually spending too much time at home and not at work.
It’s a common expression that “No one on their death bed ever said they wished they’d spent more time at the office.” While it’s true that many people ignore home life in favor of the perks and rewards they find at work, it’s also true that many people give up on finding meaning and healing at work and turn to unhealthy practices during their free time. I’ve encountered countless clients whose overall health would have been better served by the discipline, commitment, and self-satisfaction that comes from an honest day’s work.
Work/life balance was a false choice all along. The balance is not between life, with all of its joys and freedom, and work, with all its drudgery and boredom, but life at home and life at work. As a therapist with 40 years of experience, I’m aware that the home can be just as, if not more, dysfunctional than the workplace.
As quiet quitting and presentism gain in popularity and are on the verge of becoming cultural badges of honor, we would do ourselves a service to remember that not only is it OK to like, or even love, one’s job, it could be a deciding factor in determining wellness over illness.
Tips for finding the health hidden at work include:
- Pause occasionally to ask yourself if you’re carrying someone else’s work stress around and if so, put it down.
- Avoid the temptation to commiserate rather than communicate with coworkers.
- Regularly remind yourself of the time in your life when you wanted nothing more than to find a job.
- Meditate on the fact that according to a 2024 study by Mass Mutual, 49% of retirees say they miss the people they used to work with and 31% say that it has made them lonely.
- Calculate the amount of time you have, and will, spend at work and realize that such a large portion of your life calls for a focused attempt on making it enjoyable.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7 dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.