In the fields of social and emotional development, attachment theory has been well-researched, furthering an understanding of relationships, families, and parenting strategies. Attachment theory recognizes the natural and healthy need to seek out relational connections with significant others to obtain a sense of security and safety.
Below are three concepts parents should know to help them better understand how attachment security is developed between caregivers and children. These concepts are not mutually exclusive but influence one another to create a holistic view of parent-child attachment.
Sensitivity
Sensitivity is twofold: (1) determining when a child needs protection and comfort and (2) responding to the child’s needs accordingly. A caregiver’s correct interpretations of their child’s signals and, subsequently, responding appropriately are at the core of providing psychological security.
There is a range of behavioral responses caregivers can choose based on what they determine their child needs at any given moment. On one end, a parental response can be too reactive and on the other, a parent can be not responsive enough. Parents should strive to find a balance somewhere in the middle so that on the whole children will have the knowledge that they will be protected and comforted, particularly during moments of distress.
Context
Adult caregivers must be sensitive to both their children’s signals and to the context within which they are parenting. Building upon the previous concept of sensitivity, parents must adapt their responses to their child based not only on their perceptions of their child’s needs but also on the setting in which they are parenting their child. Parenting responses required in one context may be insensitive in another context.
Again, suppose we build upon the previous concept of sensitivity. In that case, sensitivity in a caregiver’s response implies they can accurately assess differences in their child’s setting (e.g., a new, unfamiliar setting versus a familiar setting) and adjust their caregiving approach accordingly. For instance, if a parent is attending preschool orientation with their child who is nervous about separating, the parent may stay close to them, holding their hand without separation to provide comfort. This would demonstrate appropriate sensitivity, reinforcing security within their relationship. Alternatively, if a parent were to push the child’s hand away and say, “Toughen up. There’s nothing to be afraid of,” and then go stand in the hallway to take a nonurgent phone call, leaving the child alone in the classroom with unfamiliar families, this would not demonstrate sensitivity in parenting strategies and could reinforce (anxious) insecurity.
Development
The last concept, which builds upon the previous two, is the concept of development. In this regard, we are referring to developmental age based on a child’s physical, emotional, cognitive, and social functioning. Development is based on how a child compares to others of the same chronological age (e.g., the age based on birth date). Two children of the same chronological age may look different developmentally. By the same token, a child of a certain chronological age may function developmentally older or younger. As such, parents need to understand not just their child’s chronological age but also their developmental age and, subsequently, their abilities and needs.
As children mature, they live their day-to-day lives in more complex and varied contexts than they did as infants, which, in turn, may lead to a greater need for reflection on the types of adaptation in parenting responses. While physical proximity from caregivers may become less necessary, psychological availability remains vital throughout childhood.
Adaptation is the proposed goal because it promotes caregiving strategies with the greatest likelihood for responsiveness given the variation in contexts and psychological development of the child. Therefore, understanding the need for flexibility and adaptation, as opposed to a rigid one-size-fits-all approach to parenting strategies, is a necessary step toward developing more effective parent-child relationships across time.
Putting the Concepts Into Practice
If you’re a parent or caregiver, you may be concerned that if you don’t sensitively respond to your child’s needs every time in a developmentally appropriate way while also considering context, the attachment relationship is doomed. The good news is that it’s not. Again, the goal is to create an environment where the child sees you as a safe, stable, and secure person in their life capable of sensitively responding to their needs.
The bottom line is that attachment theory and the concepts here are not meant to worry you that you aren’t doing enough—just the opposite. You (and a network of adult caregivers in their community) can provide sensitive responses and build a secure relationship with your child in a variety of ways.