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In our journey of understanding the inner critic archetypes from my book Women Rising, we’ve already encountered patterns that mirror our deepest fears and insecurities, and the pressures we face from the world around us. This exploration, as seen in the first three posts, is all about naming and navigating these inner critic voices—the archetypes that often run our inner dialogue, holding us back or leaving us feeling “less than.” Each archetype reflects specific themes, such as self-doubt, comparison, or the drive for external validation, and by recognising them, we can move toward a path of self-compassion and empowerment.
Today, we continue with three more archetypes: the comparer, the good girl, and the overachiever. The comparer is always looking at other people to judge her sense of self-worth, always coming up short. The good girl, shaped by a need to “do the right thing,” is driven by compliance and the pursuit of approval, often at her own expense. In contrast, the overachiever ties her self-worth to success and productivity, constantly moving from one accomplishment to the next without stopping to rest or appreciate her journey.
Each of these archetypes sheds light on the ways societal and personal expectations shape our lives—and how, through self-awareness, we can transform these patterns to cultivate a more fulfilling and balanced sense of self.
The Comparer: “I’m Not There Yet”—The Constant Watcher
The comparer is perpetually measuring her life against others, looking outward to determine if she’s “enough.” This archetype feels validated when on par with or surpassing peers, but experiences self-doubt and envy whenever someone else seems more accomplished or content. Browsing social media, seeing others’ successes, or even casual conversations can trigger feelings of inadequacy, undermining her sense of self-worth.
The comparer’s inner critic is relentless, convincing her that her life is lacking compared to others. It distorts her achievements, leaving her feeling unfulfilled or as if she’s always “behind,” regardless of her personal accomplishments.
Key Reflection Questions
- Do you find yourself comparing your looks, achievements, or possessions with others?
- Does witnessing someone else’s success trigger feelings of inadequacy or self-doubt?
- Do you rely on external validation to feel good about yourself?
- Does browsing social media lead to negative feelings about your work, appearance, or life?
Transforming the Comparer
Transforming the comparer archetype begins with self-compassion and a shift away from external validation. Focus on intrinsic goals aligned with your values, set boundaries around social media, and consciously acknowledge your unique journey and accomplishments. Embrace your strengths and successes, and cultivate gratitude to shift your focus from comparison to personal contentment.
The Good Girl: “I Must Do the Right Thing”—The Obedient Daughter
The good girl has learned to put the needs and expectations of others above her own. She often prioritizes the well-being of family, friends, and colleagues over her own, and she feels validated when she fulfills her duties without disappointing anyone. Fear of upsetting others or stepping out of line keeps her tethered to pleasing behaviour, even if it compromises her own happiness. She is deeply influenced by a desire for approval, often from authority figures or loved ones, and struggles with setting boundaries or asserting her own needs.
The inner critic of the good girl reinforces these patterns, convincing her that her worth is tied to compliance, self-sacrifice, and meeting the expectations of others.
Key Reflection Questions
- Do you find it difficult to say “no” for fear of disappointing others?
- Are your choices driven by a need to meet family or societal expectations rather than personal fulfillment?
- Do you often prioritise others’ needs at the expense of your own well-being?
Transforming the Good Girl
To transform the good girl archetype, begin setting gentle boundaries and practicing small acts of self-assertion. Gradually express your true preferences in safe spaces, and recognise that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. By shifting your focus from others’ expectations to your own desires, you begin to cultivate a more balanced sense of self-worth and satisfaction.
The Overachiever: “What’s Next?”—The Relentless Achiever
The overachiever is continuously driven to do more, achieve more, and prove her worth through accomplishments. She often sets high and sometimes unrealistic standards for herself, pushing herself to the point of burnout. Even when she reaches significant milestones, her sense of accomplishment is fleeting, as she immediately focuses on the next goal. She may find it difficult to rest or take time for herself, as her inner critic convinces her that doing so will lead to falling behind or being seen as inadequate.
The inner critic of the overachiever pressures her to keep striving, telling her that rest or contentment is a sign of weakness, and that only by achieving more will she be valued.
Key Reflection Questions
- Do you often feel that your worth is tied to your achievements?
- Are you driven to constantly set new goals, even before celebrating past successes?
- Does the fear of failure or falling behind push you to work beyond your limits?
Transforming the Overachiever
To transform the overachiever, begin by redefining what success means to you—consider not just achievements but well-being, relationships, and inner fulfillment. Practice self-compassion and celebrate small accomplishments, recognising that your value extends beyond your productivity. Gradually introduce moments of rest or non-goal-oriented activities, allowing yourself to experience joy outside of achievement.
As we journey through these inner critic archetypes, we uncover not only the narratives that restrict us but also the pathways to reclaiming our self-worth and authenticity. Recognising these archetypes is an act of empowerment, enabling us to see beyond societal pressures and outdated beliefs, to embrace a fuller, more compassionate sense of self.