Bookends: The Power of Beginnings and Endings in Interactions

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A conversation’s beginning and end are critical factors to its benefit

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While what happens in the middle of a conversation, meeting, or engagement is critical to finding a solution, research shows that the beginning and the end of an interaction may significantly determine its success.

The Importance of Beginnings

The first five minutes of a meeting are crucial in setting the tone for the entire interaction. According to an article by Elizabeth Doty in Strategy+Business, those opening moments provide an opportunity to create alignment, set expectations, and establish a positive emotional climate. The initial interactions help create trust, reduce anxiety, and prepare participants to engage meaningfully with the agenda. When leaders use this time to connect with the group personally—by sharing a light conversation or recognizing contributions—it fosters an environment where people feel safe to contribute, leading to better collaboration and outcomes.

One of my clients, a successful entrepreneur and philanthropist, always insisted that the first five minutes of board meetings be spent on what he called “palabra,” or informal conversation. This included questions like, “How are things going?” or “Having any fun lately?” Though it seemed like a delay in starting the agenda, it served an essential purpose in human interaction known as “co-regulation.” This is defined as the bidirectional exchange of emotional states between people, which can either cause distress or lead to mutual emotional regulation and stability.

Consider another example of beginnings. Recently, my wife Teresa attended her fiftieth high school reunion, a potentially intimidating event, especially when attending alone. She was anxious, but within a minute of arriving, an old friend warmly ran up to her, hugged her, and expressed excitement that she had traveled thousands of miles to attend. This greeting put Teresa at ease and helped her enjoy the event. Imagine the opposite: if she had been alone and disconnected for the first five to 10 minutes.

Beginnings can be challenging—whether in a job interview, a first date, a first day at school, or a business meeting. We want to be effective, accepted, and successful, which creates nervous energy that can lead to freezing, overacting, or overreacting to the situation.

One of my CEO clients has a practice of asking everyone to observe a minute of silence before any meeting. People use that time in various ways—focusing on breathing, meditating, or preparing to be fully present. This practice is now welcomed and has been reported to improve group interactions and outcomes. It creates a “ground of health” for the group, meaning the culture and health of the group can positively impact the tone and results of interactions.

In our family, we have a concept called “rolling out the red carpet,” which means warmly welcoming someone and making them feel special. Imagine the difference this would make in someone’s comfort level and ability to open up in a relationship.

All of this highlights the power of a conscious beginning, whether in one-on-one time or with a group, no matter the purpose.

Endings Set the Reality of Memory

Endings are just as important, bringing closure to interactions and ensuring the connection and focus remain significant over time.

Psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleagues have demonstrated that how we remember an experience is largely determined by two key factors: the peak moment (whether positive or negative) and how the experience ended. This is known as the “peak-end rule.” It suggests that the conclusion of any interaction, meeting, or experience has a profound effect on how we remember it.

For example, even if most of a meeting is productive and positive, a stressful or unresolved ending can dominate the memory, leading to a negative overall perception. Conversely, ending a meeting on a constructive note—summarizing key takeaways, expressing appreciation, or providing clear next steps—can leave participants with a more favorable impression, influencing their willingness to engage again. This highlights the importance of being intentional not only in how meetings begin but in how they conclude, ensuring that the lasting memory encourages future collaboration.

Consider the power of an intentional ending to a business meeting, a date, or even a child’s bedtime. As Chaucer wrote, “All good things must come to an end.” We might modify that to say, “For good things to happen, have a good ending.” Simple acts like signaling the end of a lovely night, summarizing key points from a meeting, or expressing appreciation after a lunch date all help to create positive, lasting impressions.

Being mindful of the end of an interaction—whether by reiterating shared goals, warmly thanking someone for their time, or giving a genuine hug—adds significant value to the connection. Proper endings also generate energy for greater accountability for commitments made during the meeting.

In a recent meeting I facilitated for a C-suite team, tensions arose as members disagreed on critical issues. As the two-hour session neared its end, I asked everyone to take a moment to appreciate each other’s contributions. After a brief pause, one member spoke, and soon others followed, expressing deep appreciation for their colleagues’ ideas, listening skills, and ability to navigate differences. This closing exercise shifted the tone and helped the group reach a consensus.

Imagine the impact if we hadn’t taken the time for this conscious ending.

Hopefully, reading this will encourage you to pause and be intentional about the beginnings and endings of your meetings or sessions—rolling out the red carpet and laying the foundation for a warm, healthy environment.