Childhood neglect describes the trauma of what didn’t happen. Neglect occurs when parents or caregivers fail to meet their child’s educational needs or to provide adequate food, shelter, and medical care. Also, when parents and caregivers fail to provide emotional support, they may withhold validation, nurture, and affection, resulting in emotional neglect. Research increasingly shows that the psychological impact of emotional neglect can have profound, long-lasting effects that are deeply relational. Two recent research studies clarify how childhood emotional neglect affects adult relationships and why relational and systemic interventions are helpful.
Childhood Neglect and the Fracturing of Identity
Growing up without consistent emotional attunement, validation, or care interferes with a child’s ability to develop a stable sense of self. When caregivers are emotionally absent, dismissive, or unpredictable, children construct meanings about who they are without adequate relational mirrors.
Gélinas et al. (2025) research on adults entering therapy for intimate partner violence shows that psychological neglect is one of the strongest predictors of identity diffusion in adulthood. Identity diffusion refers to the difficulty of maintaining a coherent, stable sense of self. Adults with identity diffusion often struggle to answer basic questions about themselves, such as, Who am I? What do I feel? What do I need? What do I deserve in a relationship?
Identity diffusion directly affects how people relate to others. Individuals with identity diffusion may show the following vulnerabilities:
- Over-adapting to partners to feel anchored or accepted
- Struggling with boundaries and self-assertion
- Experiencing intense emotional reactivity or emotional numbing
- Difficulty with relational repair
Stress or conflict can exacerbate these vulnerabilities, potentially increasing the risk of intimate partner violence. Gélinas’s work suggests that identity diffusion helps clarify why childhood neglect is linked to adult relationship violence, even when considering trauma exposure.
Why Individual Therapy Sometimes Isn’t Enough
Traditional individual therapy can be helpful for processing trauma history, but it may not fully address the relational context that activates identity diffusion and neglect-related wounds. Identity forms through connection, not isolation; it develops in relationship with others.
Carr (2018) conducted a large evidence review spanning 25 years that shows that systemic interventions (i.e., family therapy) and couples therapy are as effective as, and sometimes more effective than, individual therapy for adult mental health, relationship distress, and trauma-related difficulties, particularly when relational dynamics maintain the problem.
How Systemic and Couples Therapy Support Healing
Therapies that work with couples and families directly address the relationship systems in which identity struggles are most commonly observed. Their focus extends beyond symptoms to the interactional dynamics that perpetuate insecurity, power imbalances, emotional detachment, or conflict.
Identity Repair Is a Relational Process
Both research areas agree on a key point: childhood neglect’s identity issues are best healed via intentional, supportive, and nurturing relationships. Couples therapy facilitates an emotional process that repairs relationships, enabling people to be authentic while maintaining their connection.
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