Nicole has been especially busy at work for the past few weeks. She has had a variety of time-consuming projects to complete by the end of the workday and her manager has criticized her for having missed deadlines. To make matters worse Nicole has had car trouble the past few mornings and consequently arrived late for work. It then occurred to her she was overdue taking her car in to the mechanic for its annual checkup. It was also time to get her semi-annual dental checkup. She’s felt overwhelmed with so many items piling up and uncertain where to start.
To figure it out, she can apply the Problem Separation Technique (PST).
First, Identify the Practical Problems
In Nicole’s situation, her practical problems include:
- How to be more efficient at work.
- How to arrive at work on time.
- How to ensure her car is functioning well.
Second, Identify the Emotional Problem
Nicole’s emotional problem involves making herself feel overwhelmed about her practical problems.
The good news for Nicole is that her emotional problem of feeling overwhelmed is caused by her irrational beliefs and she can change her thinking and self-talk, which includes:
- I absolutely must get everything done right now.
- I must do everything perfectly, otherwise I’m worthless.
- I must not make a mistake and if I do I’ll fall apart.
- I can’t stand having so much to do.
- It would be awful if I don’t get everything completed immediately.
She can address these irrational beliefs using these steps:
A. (Activating Event) I have looming deadlines.
B. (Irrational Belief) I absolutely must complete them all on time.
C. (Undesirable Emotional or Behavioral Consequences)
Feeling overwhelmed.
D. (Disputing or Questioning the Irrational Belief) What is the evidence I absolutely must complete them all on time or even at all?
E. (Effective New Thinking) There is no evidence or logic that proves I absolutely must or have to complete all my objectives perfectly, or at all, by the deadlines although I strongly prefer to have them finished by then. There are negative consequences to falling behind which would be unfortunate, but never awful, terrible, or horrible. I can rationally stand negative consequences although I would not like having them. Pressuring myself to complete all my tasks perfectly does not help and only makes me feel worse.
F. (New Feeling and Behaviors) Resilience, taking one step at a time, and Unconditional Self Acceptance.
Probe the Connection Between the Emotional and Practical Problem
I nearly always find that when a person comes to me with an emotional problem, he or she is convinced his or her Practical Problem automatically generates the Emotional Problem. My first job is to undermine this conviction, by explaining that he or she causes the Emotional Problem by the way he or she thinks.
Always keep in mind the first principle: Your emotions and behaviors are caused by your thinking about situations, never by the situations themselves.