When asked how it felt to be in his seventies, famed French entertainer Maurice Chevalier was reported to have said, “It is fine, considering the alternative.”
Coming to terms with aging is about considering the better of two alternatives. The challenge is not to age “gracefully,” whatever that might mean, but to age well. We can take that to mean doing the best with what we have and making the most of what we can. In my therapy practice with older adults, and having joined the older adult club myself, albeit wishing I did not yet qualify for membership, I’ve come to see the value of four key life goals as we age. I refer to them as the Four C’s of successful aging, and I find them to be a convenient guide to aging well.
You may be surprised to learn that older adults are about as happy, if not happier, than younger ones. Not all seniors are happy, of course, but psychologists identify certain factors associated with psychological well-being later in life. Among these are maintaining social contacts and expanding social connections by forming new friendships and participating in community organizations and programs (Cook Maher et al., 2017; Slatcher & Selcuk, 2017). This takes on added importance when coping with the loss of loved ones and old friends.
We all age, but it’s how we age that largely determines the quality of our later years. Let’s take a closer look at the Four C’s:
1. Challenge
The Stoic philosophers of ancient Greece and Rome recognized that our place on earth is not simply to occupy space. Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius framed the issue in terms of finding our place in the natural order of things: “At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: “I have to go to work — as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for — the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?”
We’re not meant to just take up space and pass through time. Life is meant to be a challenge. In early adulthood, challenges may take the form of starting or building a career or family or developing new skills and expanding our knowledge and skills.
The need for self-challenge does not wither on the vine as we age. Older adults do not need to do less but to do more, including learning new skills — and yes, it may take longer. In our later years, we may not “go to work” in the traditional sense, but we still need to work at what we do, whether it be developing new skills, taking adult classes, starting a new business or avocatoin, or volunteering in the community. We are built to work, and not, as Marcus reminds us, to huddle under the blankets.
If anything, embracing challenges becomes an even more prominent need as we age, especially if we are retired and no longer have to get to work on time, or even to get out of bed in the morning. Filling the day with meaningful activities becomes more of a challenge when we no longer have a manager or supervisor peering over our shoulder. Research supports this “get up and get going” mindset, showing that older adults who get up at a regular time and lead an active life tend to be happier and perform better on cognitive tests than others with irregular schedules (Smagula et al., 2022).
2. Connection
Evidence ties successful aging to forming and maintaining close social connections to loved ones, friends, and communities. Isolation is a kind of social disease that can reduce longevity. We need to feel connected, which can be more difficult when we lose long-term friends and relatives and our adult children move away or have precious little time to spend with us. All the more reason to form new connections and strengthen existing ones.
3. Control
The central teaching of Stoicism is knowing what is up to us and what is not — learning to control what we can and to let go of the rest. We can’t wrestle back years that have ticked away, but we can control how we live our lives in the present. There is much we can control: what we eat, how we spend our time, and how we connect with others. Maintaining a sense of purpose in life; engaging in meaningful and productive activities, such as through work and volunteering; and having a sense of control over one’s life are factors associated with more successful aging and greater longevity. This also means letting go of things we can’t control, such as trying to reverse the hands of time by expecting our bodies and minds to function unaffected by age. This leads us to the 4th C:
4. Compensation
At age 80, one of my patients decided he would no longer walk up the 25 flights of stairs to the highest floor in his building, as was his custom after working out, but would cap his climb when he reached his own floor: the twelfth. While not all of us of advanced (or lesser) age can climb even 12 flights of stairs, most of us can take extra steps here and there, move around rather than sit still, and so on. But to age successfully, we need to compensate for shortcomings in physical energy, vigor, and memory. Older adults may optimize their time by focusing on things that are meaningful and important, such as visiting family and friends more often — activities that allow them to pursue emotional goals that afford satisfaction. They may compensate for declining functioning by using written or electronic reminders or post-it notes, allowing themselves more time to learn new information, not overloading their daily schedule, and using devices such as hearing aids and canes to compensate for loss of sensory or motor ability. Or, in the case of my high-stepping octogenarian, using the handrail whenever he felt he needed a little help when climbing stairs.
In closing, aging is as much a matter of mental attitude as chronological age. In words often attributed to Mark Twain although the actual origin remains uncertain, “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” The origin of the quote may be in doubt, but not its substance.
© 2025 Jeffrey S. Nevid