Did you ever hold onto an irritation or annoyance longer than you wanted to? Maybe you couldn’t stop thinking about the stupid criticism from a boss or friend. Maybe you couldn’t forget the thoughtless way a cashier spoke to you when you asked a simple question.
There are literally hundreds of daily annoyances that can drive anyone out of their mind. But, is holding onto such slights and annoyances really a good use of your mental space? In the therapy world, we’d call this emotional regulation. But regulating those sticky negative thoughts and emotions can be difficult.
There has to be a better way. The good news is that there is a mindfulness practice for reducing negativity and regulating emotions that works like magic. It is this: Be like Teflon.
In other words, how can you make your mind and thoughts less sticky to negativity? How can you cultivate a mind in which negative events and insults just slide away? Just like how those non-stick pans release cooked food, even when it’s been burned!
Research shows that a mindfulness meditation-based intervention was “associated with decreases in both frequency and perceptions of difficulty in letting-go of negative automatic thoughts.” The practice below will give you an example of how this works in your life.
Mindful Teflon Practice
Most fundamentally, mindfulness is the means by which you can change your relationship to those difficult aspects of your life. This is why I like to refer to mindfulness as an inside job. Mindfulness supports a more spacious and less clinging awareness, so that we’re less prone to reactivity and negativity. To use a river metaphor, mindfulness lets us flow with our experiences, rather than attaching or grabbing onto them. To better understand how mindful Teflon works, let’s try a brief mental experiment that is excerpted from the book Simply Mindful.
- Spoiler Alert: This Teflon practice won’t stop rude drivers from cutting you off or turn an insensitive boss into a caring leader. With mindfulness, we develop the mental habit of viewing persons and events—even those annoying and difficult ones—with a more curious, compassionate, and welcoming perspective.
To begin, think of an annoying event that occurred recently. Maybe someone cut you off while you were driving. Maybe you couldn’t meet a deadline for a work, school, or other project. Maybe you were stuck behind a long line of people at the store. Whatever your annoyance, what were you feeling in that moment?
Now, let’s imagine we could turn back the clock. Only this time, you’ll re-experience the event as if you possessed a newfound superpower—the ability to be like Teflon to whatever comes your way. Actually, your superpower is the ability to be more open, curious, accepting, grateful, and compassionate. For example, if your annoyance was with another person, your superpower would open your tender heart—so you would be aware of how that person might have been late for an appointment or not feeling well. You could also use your superpower to shift your attention to be more curious toward something you could have gratitude for—even during that annoying event.
Again, visualize a do-over of that annoying event, only this time picture yourself using your Teflon superpower of compassion, curiosity, and gratitude. What does this feel like? I hope that gives you a taste of what’s possible with mindful Teflon.
The next time you get annoyed and find that you are holding onto the offending event, practice visualizing a do-over with your Teflon superpower. This will help you let go, and over time let you release annoyances and invite compassion into the moment—in real-time. As you gain this skill, you’ll be more able to experience the freedom that comes from not reacting to negativity or attaching yourself to those things that produce suffering. As your suffering reduces, you’ll start to notice the joy that is possible and present in your life.