Children may be innocent, blithely unaware of the challenges and complexities typifying much adult communication. But lacking all “learned” sophistication, that very innocence can betray insights that adults consciously struggle to come up with.
In human affairs, wisdom is typically regarded as developing only through the accumulation and correct interpretation of human interactions. It’s an outgrowth of sufficient relational experience.
Not uncommonly, adults disguise the truth of their observations as a matter of tact or diplomacy. On the contrary, children, not yet aware of other people’s feelings and how easy it is to hurt them, will blurt out, unedited, truths that are free of any malice, vindictiveness, or deceit, but also free of any prudent judgment or forethought.
Some Insights to Consider From Children
Intuitively grasping that cordial relationships are more important than the disagreements that, however temporarily, undermine them, children will say things like, “Why can’t you just be friends?” To them, relational discord is unnatural and ought to be easily remedied merely by “letting bygones be bygones.”
Adult sophistication—or maybe righteous indignation—gets in the way of reverting to this more natural state of compatibility. Sticking to one’s guns may superficially feel empowering, but it can’t move conflict into a more agreeable, companionable state.
On another note, because children don’t comprehend that as responsible adults, play is earned through work, they’ll innocently inquire as to why we can’t just play all the time. And as easy as it is to dismiss such naive thinking, it can also get us to think about whether our work/play balance is out of whack, as we regularly, and unthinkingly, value work over play.
The golden mean here often involves finding the middle ground between work and play. Children may lean too heavily in the direction of play but adults may be just as guilty in implicitly prioritizing work over play.
Sure, we may need need to engage in a certain amount of work just to survive, but when that amount downgrades, or virtually obliterates play, our exaggerated sense of what our survival depends on may render happiness unobtainable. And even if we’re not conscious of it, isn’t our goal in life not simply to survive but to achieve an unassailable state of well-being?
However embryonic, children also demonstrate a hard-wired sense of empathy. How else would they interpret the frequently observed circumstance of a child’s offering another child who’s crying a toy to alleviate their distress?
As regards judgment, young children haven’t yet absorbed the rules of their culture. So, without questioning the relative legitimacy of different behaviors, they’re apt to accept any behavior not directly threatening their welfare.
Lastly, children can experience joy in such simple things as being able to go outside and play or “techni-coloring” (say, an animal in a coloring book). Their imagination is far less circumscribed by conventions that society sooner or later will impose on them.
© 2025 Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved.