In an already busy life, the logistics of meeting a potential romantic or sexual partner in the real world can feel daunting; sitting on your couch and thumbing through profiles on a dating app can seem straightforward by comparison. Perhaps we should be grateful to the app makers for connecting us with potential partners, but I often emerge dazed and disoriented from a swiping and messaging session. I recently realized it’s the same saturated and queasy sensation I’m left with after spending far too long on Amazon browsing for just the right pair of winter socks. Surely this is not how connecting with my eventual life partner should feel.
Research confirms that I’m right to feel queasy: When we swipe—and swipe, and swipe, and swipe—we are objectifying ourselves and each other, making it harder to perceive each other as humans rather than commodities of the dating market. Although social scientists have been demonstrating this tendency for some time, a recent study (Smith et al., 2025) highlights concerning consequences of our sexual consent behaviors with people we meet on dating apps. Read on for the highlights of this research, as well as some tips for staying human and seeing others as human on dating apps.
Studies of dating apps tell us what we already know: By making photos so prominent in our profiles, they put a premium on physical appearances, encouraging us to strategically pick whatever images we believe will attract the most attention (David & Cambre, 2016; Vranken et al., 2024). In doing so, we run the risk of turning ourselves into products for sale—and indeed, in interviews and surveys, dating app users sometimes describe the apps as marketplaces where they “shop” for the right partner (e.g., Bonilla-Zorita et al., 2021). Presenting ourselves this way, we objectify ourselves and become objectified by other users (Zytko et al., 2021), reduced to an image on a screen with a limited set of characteristics— something less than human.
Unfortunately, what catches a user’s attention initially— physically attractive photos that often show a lot of our bodies—can also be perceived by users as indicating that the person in the profile is seeking and open to a sexual connection (Smith & Ortiz, 2023; Yan et al., 2023). In what psychologists are now calling “digital consent cues,” people also perceive actions such as matching and exchanging direct messages to further demonstrate an interest in such a connection (Zytko et al., 2021).
This brings us to Smith and colleagues’ (2025) recent study. In surveying about a thousand young adults in the U.S., they found that as people used dating apps more, they sexually objectified other people on the apps more. Furthermore, they were more likely to perceive matching and chatting on the apps as constituting “digital consent” to sexual activity, and those heavy app users reported more difficulty actually navigating sexual consent in person with people they met on the apps. Lastly, it may not surprise you to hear that the positive correlation between using dating app use and perceiving behaviors as “digital consent” was stronger for men than for women in the study.
Now, the last thing I want to do here is blame anyone who puts sexy photos on their dating profiles for how other people perceive them. Perceptions are always the responsibility of the perceiver—when someone presents themselves in a physically attractive or even sexual way, it never means they are automatically consenting to sexual activity. Working within the system available to us, we have to put our best feet out there to find connection.
What if we thought about dating app profiles like advertisements instead? Cracking open a Corona doesn’t mean you’re going to be magically transported to a sunny Caribbean beach like the people in the magazine ad. By the same token, the pictures on my dating profile represent me at my most exciting and dynamic—not me at work, or brushing my teeth, or eating popcorn in my pajamas while watching a movie. It would be unrealistic to expect me to be that fun and interesting all the time.
To push back on objectification, we must do what we can to show not just our sexy side, but also our passions, hard work, and quirkier personality traits. Having done that, we must still be prepared to deal with the unfortunate fact that the sexiness we put on display will impact how others see us when we meet in real life. Clarify early on with potential partners what your expectations around physical intimacy are, hopefully correcting for the impressions they have taken from your profile.
And when you’re looking at someone else’s profile, try to look past the appealing photos and see the contours of their daily life. Are their pictures filled with friends? Do you see musical instruments or artwork on the walls? Show up for that first drink together knowing that the other person is not just sexy, but has a full and complicated life they just might want to share with you.