Addiction isn’t simply a lack of willpower or a moral failing—it’s a response to stress and disconnection. At its core, addiction is about escape. When the present moment feels overwhelming, uncomfortable, or painful, we seek relief. If we don’t know how to process our struggles and face our challenges, we turn to temporary escapes—porn, alcohol, weed, food, gambling, social media, and other compulsive behaviors.
But the relief is short-lived. Addiction does not resolve the root cause; it only reinforces the need for more escape. The cycle repeats, growing stronger, and soon, what was once a way to “take the edge off” becomes a harmful and unproductive habit.
Everything Is Connected
I think of stress as a function of disconnection. Ancient wisdom teaches that everything is interconnected. Whether through quantum physics, ecology, or spirituality, the message is the same: separation is an illusion. When we see ourselves as apart from this web—estranged from nature, others, or our purpose—we experience stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction. We are not meant to be isolated; we are part of an intricate whole.
The Cycle of Addiction
Stress leads to disconnection. Disconnection fuels addiction. Addiction perpetuates stress. Consider three people caught in this cycle:
- Stanley avoids discussing his changing attraction to his wife since she gave birth to their twins. Shame and guilt keep him trapped, deepening the disconnection in his marriage. He compulsively watches pornography for sexual relief.
- Charlotte, a CEO, turns to alcohol to unwind after stressful days. One glass turns into two, then an entire bottle. She numbs stress instead of addressing it.
- Jason, a working artist, smokes weed to feel energized. But he’s not fixing what’s draining his energy, so he needs more and more to achieve the same effect.
The Roots of Stress: Rāga and Dveṣa
In Vedic philosophy, two primary forces drive human suffering: rāga (attachment) and dveṣa (aversion).
- Rāga is our grasping for pleasure or security. We tie happiness to external things—success, approval, comfort. When we don’t get what we desire, or when what we love changes, we suffer and feel stressed.
- Dveṣa is our avoidance of discomfort and pain. We push away anything we don’t like or want, anything that threatens our sense of control. Yet in this resistance, we create more suffering. Running from discomfort keeps us disconnected, stressed.
Operating from rāga and dveṣa, we live in opposition to the natural flow of life, pushing and pulling ourselves into inner turmoil.
Why Addiction Escalates
The more we use addiction as an escape, the more we reinforce the habit. When we repeatedly soothe stress with external sources, our brain learns to associate discomfort with the need for relief. Over time, tolerance increases—we need more to get the same effect.
This is why addiction isn’t just about willpower. It’s about brain chemistry and habit formation. You can’t just stop an addiction; you have to replace it with healthier ways of managing stress and disconnection.
The 3-Legged Stool: A Stable Foundation for Life
To truly overcome addiction, we must address the imbalance that created it. Think of personal well-being as a three-legged stool, where each leg represents an essential component of a healthy, balanced life. Each leg has an optimal state for optimal living,
- Body: Calm – A state of physical ease, free from excessive stress.
- Mind: Confident – A sense of self-trust and belief in one’s ability to handle challenges.
- Spirit: Focused – A connection to purpose, values, or a higher power.
When all three legs are strong, the stool is stable. You can handle life’s challenges without falling into destructive patterns. But if one leg is weak, it destabilizes the entire platform. That’s when people turn to addiction. (You can get a snapshot of your 3-Legged Stool by completing a self-diagnostic tool here)
For example:
- If the body is stressed → The mind feels anxious, and the spirit loses direction.
- If the mind lacks confidence → The body manifests stress, and the spirit loses motivation.
- If the spirit is unfocused → The mind lacks clarity, and the body feels drained.
Replacing Addiction with Strength and Stability
The way out of addiction is not through sheer willpower but through building a strong foundation. Here’s how:
- Learn to Stay Present – Addiction thrives on avoidance. Training yourself to remain present—even in discomfort—weakens its grip. Mindfulness and breathwork are powerful tools.
- Develop Healthy Coping Strategies – Instead of turning to addiction, develop habits that support you: exercise, creative expression, meaningful conversations, or engaging in purposeful activities.
- Strengthen the Three Legs of the Stool – Prioritize practices that keep your body calm, your mind confident, and your spirit focused. The more balanced you become, the less you will seek external escape.
- Reconnect with a Higher Power – The root of all 12-step programs is developing a deep connection with a Higher Power—whether God, universal meaning, or inner wisdom. Addiction thrives in isolation, but true healing comes from connection.
- Shift from Relief to Growth – Addictive behaviors promise immediate relief, but long-term fulfillment comes from growth. Setting goals, learning new skills, and challenging yourself create deeper satisfaction than addiction ever could.
The Path Forward
Breaking free from addiction isn’t just about stopping the behavior—it’s about transforming the foundation that made addiction seem necessary in the first place. If you struggle with addiction, ask yourself:
- What am I trying to escape?
- Which leg of my three-legged stool is weak?
- How can I build a life I don’t need to escape from?
The stronger your foundation, the less appealing addiction becomes. When your body is calm, your mind is confident, and your spirit is focused, you become resilient. You no longer need to run from discomfort—you are strong enough to face any challenge. And when you can face life, as it is, fully present, there is nothing addiction can offer that you don’t already have.