I recently met with a potential client who came to me because she felt stuck in almost all areas of her life. She wasn’t making progress in her career, her marriage was in a lull, and she felt so drained at the end of each day that all she could do was put on her pajamas, pour a glass of wine, and eat dinner in front of the television with her husband where they’d ultimately fall asleep. She wasn’t depressed, which is something I always assess for when I hear these types of concerns. She had some pretty big goals and dreams for herself. She found herself in some habits she didn’t know how to undo.
Being stuck means that you’re in a state of stagnation. You lack motivation and aren’t making progress in your personal or professional life. I love working with people who feel stuck because I know what’s on the other side. Once we release the stickiness, they can catapult higher than ever imagined. Overcoming stuckness often requires more than self-reliance—it takes a strong community support system and professional guidance to break free and move forward.
Why We Get Stuck
People become stuck for a variety of reasons. Sometimes it’s because we fear failure or change and we do nothing. I once had a client who stayed in the same role at the same company for years, despite being miserable, because he was afraid of not getting the other jobs he could apply for, and he didn’t want to start over by meeting new people somewhere else.
Other times, people become stuck because of decision fatigue. They research their possibilities endlessly and become paralyzed and indecisive because they’re overwhelmed with information. I have a friend who does this with large purchases. She’ll learn every detail, compare models, read blogs, watch videos, and talk constantly about her options. It takes her excessive time to decide—if she decides at all.
Sometimes it’s a lack of external perspective that can keep people stuck. If surrounded by people who think and act like you, doing things differently can be hard. One of the first things I ask my stuck clients to do is seek out people who are different from them and live life much larger than they are. Getting exposure to people who might be motivating or inspiring is priceless.
And finally, emotional overwhelm or burnout can create stuckness. If you’re emotionally exhausted, physically fatigued, stressed, overloaded, or feeling cynical about your future, you’re much more likely to lack motivation and not make any progress. Sometimes we need to address the root causes of overwhelm or burnout before we can start moving things forward again.
The Power of a Support System
Never underestimate the transformative power a support system can have on getting you unstuck. Being around others means getting emotional support so you’ll no longer feel alone in your struggles, have others to validate your feelings and perspective, and who can encourage you to take positive action. Plus, having fresh eyes on your situation can help you see solutions or opportunities you might have missed. I frequently utilize my own support system for this very thing and have found that having friends who work in different industries than my own has been the key to my success. They constantly challenge me to think differently and act as mentors in offering strategies.
Additionally, a support system creates accountability and motivation. When others know our goals, we might follow through on commitments. I have a client who hired a personal trainer to work out with her at the gym because she knows that she won’t stand him up. If she’s scheduled a session with him, she has to be there no matter what. When our support system includes professionals, like trainers, therapists, and coaches, you get evidence-based methods and actionable tools that you know will challenge your framework for thinking.
Building Your Support System
Start with where you are. Use your network of friends, family, or colleagues to get emotional support and practice advice. If you’re not used to relying on them in this way, start with someone you trust the most or who has relied on you for support. Choose a time away from others and ask them if you can talk privately about an issue. Once they’ve given you the green light, explain your situation and be clear about what you need from them (advice, solutions, or to listen).
Expand your current circle. Join communities or groups aligned with your interests and goals. For example, attend networking events, and join a mastermind or a support group. One of my clients joined a writers’ group to help her finally finish her novel and the support she’s gained from this circle of up-and-coming writers has been life-changing.
Seek professional help. If you’re struggling to find someone in your inner circle or can’t figure out how to expand your network, hire a coach, mentor, or therapist. Let the person know you need accountability or motivation, or to figure out how to become unstuck and explain what you think might be holding you back now. Together, you can decide how you’ll work together.
No one navigates life’s challenges alone and a strong support system is essential for clarity, motivation, and momentum. Just think of Diana Nyad, the woman who swam from Cuba to Florida on her fifth attempt at age 64. She needed a team of people to reach her goal. Reach out to someone in your network or begin exploring professional options today so you can reach yours as well.