My friend said she was three weeks post-op from surgery to correct a dimple in her breast. She has thrived after breast cancer and a double mastectomy, so a “divot” in her left breast was one of the last remaining reminders of a life-threatening episode.
Her lover, a bit younger than both of us and quite an empathetic soul, told her it was like a freckle. Some people don’t find freckles attractive and they ask their lover to use a bit of makeup. He thought her “freckle” was just a part of her. He didn’t know her before her breast cancer, and he saw a dimple—not a divot—that he compared to a freckle.
I have another friend with the same self-perception challenge. She and her husband are a solid couple, with religious faith, sexual attraction, and love of family binding them in a way that makes people around them feel like, “Wow. Liza and Ron give us hope about marriage and family.” (Real names not used here.)
She is plagued by the divot in her left breast. Ron does not care. The two of them have such contagious electricity in their relationship that my partner and I look for opportunities to spend time with them. They inspire us as a couple.
Are we talking about an “obsession” if a breast cancer survivor feels embarrassed over a boob divot? No. Ton better understand body dysmorphic disorder, consider how Alli Spotts-De Lazzer characterizes an obsession with one body part.
Anxiety over body flaws is normal. Good heavens, I was a bodybuilder who was photographed for magazines in nothing but a few threads covering my girlie parts. And now I look at my crepey skin and scars from surgeries that enable me to swim and dance again and I think, “I’m lucky. Every scar represents an opportunity to do what I love. And that includes doing what I love with the person I love.”
I am scarred. Two anterior hip replacements (gorgeous lines down the front of my legs), a full knee replacement (a clean line that’s already fading after only a month), and teeny-tiny scars from my surgery to eliminate endometrial cancer.
I am sexy, at least according to my sweetheart whose enjoyment of my body impacts my self-perception.
“I am sexy.”
Please say these words to yourself if you have had surgery, injury, or disease that affect the way you think other people see you. Anyone who loves you sees the person who wants to love and be loved.