Family stressors, internal or external, seem to be at an all-time high. Financial concerns about the rising costs of mortgage/rent, food, utilities, childcare, and prescription medications take a huge toll on parents. Relational matters such as the impact of school shootings, intimate partner violence, the use of technology/social media, caregiver demands, and grief amplify distress. Parents not only juggle work demands and their own well-being but also wrestle with worries about the mental health and safety of their children (Pew Research Center, 2023). Add healthcare disparities, global tensions/warfare, discrimination, systemic oppression, and social media to the mix, and it feels impossible not to drop the ball. Just as the plumbing in our kitchen and bathroom can only handle so much, the world’s muck and debris leave our systems at risk of rupturing.
Parental stress has made the list of public health concerns, according to the Surgeon General (U.S. Public Health Service, 2024). In fact, the Surgeon General’s Advisory notes, “the well-being of parents and caregivers is a critical and underappreciated public health priority.”
When you’re dealing with actual clogged pipes, a diagnostic assessment easily reveals the culprit. While some obstruction is inevitable due to temperature changes and corrosion due to age/time, major blockage is avoidable (spoiler alert: Use a strainer in the sink!) and amenable to repair. The solutions are less clear, however, when you’re dealing with overtaxed, overloaded parental “plumbing.” It takes time and systemic efforts to ameliorate economic and societal barriers, so in the meantime, what can parents do to stop their pipes from bursting? In the same way that certain variables reduce the risk of adverse childhood experiences (CDC, 2024), protective factors can minimize the impact of parental stress. Consider how the following suggestions may help alleviate pressure:
- Social support: Whether talking to family or a friend, openly discussing your concerns stops the unnecessary suffering of handling the weight of the world alone. Being honest with yourself about the impact of stress serves as a springboard for collaborating as a family to build resilience. Community and peer support groups offer opportunities to connect and share resources. And remember, call the plumber (or the therapist) if you need professional help. Licensed mental health professionals can assist with strategies, advocacy, and coping skills.
- Wellness activities: Start with the basics like staying hydrated, eating nutritious foods, and getting proper sleep. Schedule your annual medical appointments to address ailments that sometimes go unnoticed. Being physically well reboots the system and has a ripple effect on mental, emotional, and relational well-being. Meditation, fitness, music, art, and nature can also further enhance well-being. Watch a movie together, take a group fitness class, go bowling, or play a board/card game.
- Mindfulness and empathy: Just like knowingly putting non-flushable wipes in the toilet causes problems, some pressure is self-imposed. Recognizing that stressors occur does not require awfulizing them. Being consumed by anger, anxiety, or despair adds fuel to the fire (or grease to the drain). This statement does not negate systemic factors beyond our immediate control, nor does it discount tragedies and trauma. Rather, it emphasizes the value of adopting a growth mindset and a compassionate stance. Perfectionistic tendencies also cause excessive pressure. Cut yourself some slack if you don’t finish the laundry, mow the lawn, or fix that wobbly drawer. Newsflash: This also teaches your children that it’s not the end of the world if they don’t make straight A’s or have an undefeated season. Nurturing them is just as important as—if not more important than—focusing on excellence, structure, and discipline.
In closing, when life leaves you feeling stuck as a parent, penetrate the pressures with these protective factors to find your flow.
Shatavia A. Thomas, DMFT, LMFT, is a therapist and consultant operating a practice in Atlanta, Georgia.
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