The other night, I found myself doubled over in a belly laugh with my two teenagers. The kind of laugh that leaves you gasping for air, tears streaming down your face, and wondering when the last time you felt that light was.
It was a simple, silly moment—something about an inside joke that spiraled into uncontrollable laughter. But as the giggles subsided, I felt a twinge of guilt creep in. The backdrop of that moment was anything but light when I looked around: raging fires devastating communities, violence filling the news, and political turmoil leaving me glued to my phone in dismay. Had I frozen myself somewhere between numbness and despair? And more importantly, was I even allowed to laugh, let alone feel joy?
The answer I’ve come to embrace is this: joy isn’t just allowed—it’s necessary. In a world that can feel overwhelming and heartbreaking, moments of laughter, play, or connection aren’t a betrayal of reality. As the poet Toi Derricotte writes, “Joy is an act of resistance.” (I’m reminded of a magnet my Ditch the Ditty co-author keeps as a daily reminder of this very idea.) These micro-moments of joy are powerful acts of resilience and renewal, reminding us of our strength and humanity.
Why Joy Feels Hard—and Why It’s Necessary
When the world feels heavy, joy can feel out of reach or even inappropriate. How can you laugh when others are grieving? How can you feel light when the weight of the world feels so profound?
This reaction is deeply human. Our brains are wired to focus on threats and challenges, an evolutionary trait that helps us survive. But this hyper-focus on what’s wrong can leave us stuck in a state of despair, unable to see the moments of beauty and connection that still exist around us.
Positive psychology offers a powerful counterbalance to life’s challenges. Research shows that even small, authentic moments of joy can act as a buffer against stress, anxiety, and burnout. Joy doesn’t erase pain or diminish hardship—it helps us carry the load more sustainably. It’s not about ignoring the world’s struggles; it’s about fueling yourself to face them with resilience.
Importantly, pursuing happiness isn’t selfish. A global study of 1.5 million people found that happier individuals are more likely to volunteer and donate, demonstrating how personal happiness fosters prosocial behavior. As psychologist Barbara Fredrickson’s broaden-and-build theory explains, positive emotions like joy enhance our ability to think creatively, build meaningful connections, and solve problems. In other words, joy isn’t a distraction—it’s a vital resource.
This idea aligns with Healing Our World: How Appreciation of Beauty, Goodness, and Excellence Inspires (Global) Care, the forthcoming book by positive psychologist Maria Sirois, Psy.D. Her work delves into the VIA character strength of “Appreciation of Beauty and Excellence,” which underscores how noticing and valuing beauty—in nature, art, or human achievement—can elevate our well-being. By pausing to appreciate the beauty around us, we’re not just finding joy but cultivating a deeper, more enduring source of resilience.
Finding Joy That’s Real, Not Forced
Of course, there’s a difference between authentic joy and toxic positivity. Forced smiles and hollow reassurances like “just stay positive” can feel dismissive and even harmful when the weight of reality is pressing down. Authentic joy, on the other hand, is rooted in genuine connection, gratitude, and presence. It’s about finding light without denying the dark.
The key is to let joy coexist with the complexity of the moment. It’s not about pretending everything is fine; it’s about noticing the small, good things that persist even when things aren’t fine.
How Joy Fuels Us in a Heavy World
If joy feels hard to access right now, know that you’re not alone—and that it’s worth the effort. Here are three ways joy can sustain and energize us, even in challenging times:
1. Joy Grounds Us in the Present
When the world feels chaotic, it’s easy to get caught up in the “what-ifs” and the endless scroll of bad news. Joy has a way of pulling us back to the present moment, anchoring us in something real and tangible.
Whether it’s a shared laugh, the beauty of a sunset, or the warmth of a hug, joy reminds us that life is happening here and now—not just in the headlines or our fears for the future.
Try this: Practice finding one moment of beauty or connection each day. It could be as simple as noticing the sound of birds outside your window or savoring a favorite meal. Let that moment ground you in the present.
2. Joy Recharges Our Emotional Reserves
Burnout is real, and so is compassion fatigue. When we give and give without replenishing ourselves, we risk running out of the emotional energy needed to keep going. Joy acts as a reset button, restoring our capacity to care and engage.
Think of joy as filling your internal well. Without it, the well runs dry, leaving you with nothing left to give—not to yourself, your loved ones, or the world.
Try this: Schedule intentional “joy breaks” into your week. Maybe it’s a game night with friends, a walk in the park, or even 15 minutes to watch a funny video. These moments aren’t selfish—they’re investments in your well-being.
3. Joy Strengthens Connection
Laughter and play are inherently social. They create shared moments that strengthen relationships and remind us we’re not alone. In times of hardship, these connections become even more vital.
Sharing joy with others—whether it’s a silly text, a heartfelt conversation, or a shared activity—builds a sense of community and belonging. It reminds us that even when the world feels heavy, we don’t have to carry the weight alone.
Try this: Reach out to someone who lifts your spirits. Share a memory, a joke, or simply spend time together. Let joy be the bridge that brings you closer.
Choosing Joy in a Complicated World
As I think back to that dinner-table moment with my teenagers, I realize that laughter wasn’t just a fleeting break from reality. It was a reminder of what I’m fighting for: connection, love, and the beauty of small, human moments.
Joy doesn’t mean ignoring the world’s pain. It means honoring the full spectrum of life—grief and gratitude, despair and hope. It’s a way of saying, Yes, the world is heavy, but there is still light to be found.
So, if you’ve been holding back your laughter, play, or happiness because it feels selfish, let this be your permission to let it in. Because finding joy isn’t just OK—it’s necessary. It’s what keeps us going, together, even when the world feels hard to bear.