I once had a couple with young kids ask me if they could stay in my office for the hour after our session. So…we’d meet, and then I’d leave, giving them room to just be with each other, without anything really “to do.”
We’re craving space more and more these days—but not just any kind of space. We need the kind of space where we’re held by another or where we hold ourselves with utmost care. Like when I tell my family, “Mom needs a little space,” and climb into bed with a cup of tea and read about woodsy garnishes for my buche de noel. Or when you carve out space to think about all the people you are grateful for.
This week on the podcast, I talk with musician, therapist, and podcaster Thomas Parkes about his album Holding Space, and how we can do this through awkward silences, new babies, old hurts, or big fears. It’s a treat to listen to his music, as it offers a creative space I think we could all use.
So how do we hold space for each other and ourselves when things feel uncertain, changing, or painful? Here are a few tips from the Wise Effort Method:
Get Curious
Notice your tendency to cram every bit of mental or physical space you have with more stuff. Enter the space of not knowing.
- Under-book your holiday schedule. Leave more margins for discovery.
- Stop being a know-it-all. Ask more questions than you give answers.
- Follow the ways of babies, and let yourself stare a little longer at bright lights and loving faces.
Open Up
Make space for what is most personal and what is most painful.
- Put down your phone, uncross your arms, lean in, and show wth your body that you are open.
- Say yes to all feelings that come with this time of year, and not just the ones you like—anxiety, wonder, grief, excitement, etc.
- Go outside and look up at the stars. There’s lots of space for you.
Focus Your Energy
Enter your holiday spaces wisely.
- Ask yourself, what—and who—is worth holding space for?
- Notice the choice points, pause, and turn toward your values. How do you want to be? Brave? Festive? Easygoing?
- Choose to stay a little longer, holding space for what matters, because you can.