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Written By Diksshita Jadhav and Kelly-Ann Allen
As Phoebe Buffay wisely said in Friends, “No good deed is selfless.” This insight is supported by evidence showing the reciprocal nature of the benefits of helping others.
Growing up with an older brother, I always had to share the last piece of cake or had to pick between two plates of food. I often found myself choosing the smaller piece or the plate with a slightly smaller portion and intentionally handing the other to my brother. At first, when I was too young to understand my reasoning behind this, it intrigued me. Over time, I began to realize how that act made me feel. I used to feel immense joy and happiness seeing him happy.
From “Me” to “We”
The emotions tied to such actions go far beyond the simplicity of the gesture itself. Approaches that prioritize others’ well-being, often called other-focused or other-centered, are gaining significant attention in fields like positive psychology. Traditionally, research has emphasized individual well-being based on the “Oxygen Mask Assumption”—the belief that improving our own well-being naturally enhances our capacity to support others. However, this perspective is now being reconsidered.
Recent research suggests that focusing on others’ well-being can be as beneficial for your mental health as prioritizing your own. A study by Rosset et al. (2024) challenges the Oxygen Mask Assumption, advocating for an other-oriented approach to well-being. The researchers propose that well-being is a reciprocal process, expanding the positive psychology concept of “positive relationships” to emphasize that these connections involve not just receiving support but also giving it.
Connecting Research to the Real World
Rosset and colleagues’ findings highlight the psychological benefits of prosocial behaviors, like providing support and volunteering. Their study shows that these actions can boost happiness, reduce stress, and increase life satisfaction. In a world where children are growing up exposed to more short, information-based videos about self-care than in the past, it’s vital to also teach them the value of caring for others.
Take, for example, 9-year-old Ewan from West Yorkshire. Using his pocket money, he bought flowers, stood on the street, and handed them to strangers. When asked why, he simply said, “I just want to see people smile, because that makes me smile.” His story perfectly illustrates the benefits highlighted by Rosset and colleagues.
How Can We Help Ourselves by Helping Others?
Helping others to enhance your well-being can be composed of simple and authentic practices, reminding us of our shared humanity. Here are a few ways to connect with this:
- Skill Swaps: Organize a community or online skill exchange where people offer their expertise (e.g., tutoring, crafting, coding) in return for another skill.
- Micro-Kindness Challenges: Create a daily or weekly challenge to perform unique acts of kindness, such as writing anonymous thank-you notes or leaving encouraging messages in public spaces.
- Try Reverse Mentoring Sessions: Pair up with someone from a different generation or background and learn from their experiences while sharing your own insights. This builds empathy and mutual growth.
- Volunteer: Dedicate some time to a cause you are passionate about, like mentoring youth or helping at a food bank.
- Be thankful: At the end of the day, take a moment to express gratitude to others.
- Build positive relations: Call a friend you have not seen in a while or that distant aunt you see once a year. Make a conscious effort to be supportive to those around you.
- Desk Boosters: Leave small, thoughtful desk additions like notes, stress balls, mini plants, or snacks to encourage wellness in the workspace.
- Cheerleader Circle: Create a small online group with friends where people share challenges, goals, or problems. The group’s role is to cheer each other on with encouragement, solutions, or small acts of kindness.
Embracing an other-oriented approach to well-being isn’t just about being a good person, it’s also about feeling good yourself. The next time you help someone out, remember that you’re not just making their day better; you’re boosting your own happiness, too. After all, in the words of the late Christopher Peterson, “Other people matter”—and so do you!
This blog was created by Diksshita Jadhav of Monash University for The Psychology of Well-being and Human Flourishing Unit in the Graduate Diploma of Professional Psychology, Monash University, with support from Kelly-Ann Allen.