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No matter how smart or educated someone is, they likely have little formal training in managing their emotions. We learn many things, but not that.
And it’s often the people we love the most and want to hurt the least that bear the brunt of our inability to handle our emotions. Emotional maturity is key to successful relationships both at home and at work. Here are three ways to assess whether you’re on the path to emotional maturity and sovereignty:
1. You Take Radical Responsibility for Your Emotions
One of the hallmarks of emotional maturity is the ability to take full responsibility for your emotions. This means not blaming others or external circumstances for how you feel. It requires being radically honest with yourself and understanding that your emotions are yours to process—not someone else’s fault.
Consider Mark, who I interviewed for my book, Sovereign, on the topic of emotional sovereignty. After the death of his mother at a young age, Mark turned to alcohol to cope with his grief. Over time, he became an alcoholic. When he finally got sober, he still struggled with emotional baggage—anger, resentment, and self-pity that had never been processed.
Mark learned the hard way that emotional maturity isn’t just about abstaining from destructive behaviors like drinking—it’s about owning your feelings. As Mark puts it, “If I get angry at someone, it’s not their fault. I’m the one experiencing anger. I play a role in that. Just because I meditate doesn’t mean I can act like a jerk, yell, and scream. I have to clean up my side of the street. I’m responsible for my emotions, thoughts, speech, actions—everything.”
If you find yourself blaming others for your emotional state, it might be an invitation to think more deeply about ways you can take responsibility for your feelings. This isn’t about letting the person who made you angry off the hook—especially if they are abusive or truly obnoxious, but it does allow you to process your emotions so you can take action from a place of poise and balance. You’ll own your side and be able to take action as needed from a place of greater empowerment and sovereignty.
2. You’re Dedicated to Cultivating Self-Awareness
The second key indicator of emotional intelligence is self-awareness—the ability to observe your emotions without getting swept away by them. This is where meditation can make a profound difference.
Meditation is a proven tool for increasing self-awareness. Studies show that regular meditation increases brain volume and strengthens areas of the brain responsible for self-control, emotional regulation, and awareness. This doesn’t just help you stay calm in stressful situations—it enhances your ability to process emotions, which is key to emotional maturity.
For example, Mark’s journey to sobriety was deeply influenced by his meditation practice. Through meditation, he became more attuned to his inner world. When he felt anger, frustration, or fear, he was able to observe these emotions without being consumed by them. This self-awareness helped him to process his grief, his anger, and eventually heal.
Alcohol, on the other hand, numbs this awareness. Even moderate alcohol consumption has been shown to reduce brain volume, making it harder to process emotions and increasing the likelihood of addiction. So, while alcohol might offer a temporary escape, it actively hinders emotional maturity by dulling your ability to feel and process deeply.
If you regularly check in with yourself, reflect on your emotions, or engage in practices that increase self-awareness, you’re well on your way to emotional maturity. Research shows that meditation is an effective way to start. How often? Daily. Think about it. How often do you need to exercise to keep your body in shape? Daily. Same is true of your mind.
3. You Understand and Manage the Ripple Effect of Your Emotions
Emotions are contagious. Just as a positive attitude can lift a room, negative emotions can sour the atmosphere. Emotional maturity involves understanding how your emotions affect others and being mindful of the energy you bring to your relationships.
When you are emotionally mature, you recognize that your feelings don’t just belong to you—they affect your surroundings. If you’re angry, frustrated, or upset, those emotions can leak into your interactions with others, creating tension or even conflict. On the flip side, when you manage your emotions effectively, you help create a more positive and supportive environment for everyone around you.
This is why emotional maturity is so important in relationships—whether at work, with friends, or with family. You can’t expect positive results from your relationships if you’re not willing to work through your emotions, release negativity, and cultivate positive feelings like gratitude, forgiveness, and empathy.
Mark’s story illustrates this point perfectly. After years of struggling with his emotions, he finally realized that his unprocessed anger had been the root cause of his failed marriage. His emotional baggage wasn’t just affecting him; it was impacting his partner and their relationship. Once Mark took responsibility for his feelings and processed his anger, he was able to rebuild his emotional life and his relationships.
If you’ve learned to manage your emotions, let go of resentment, and handle conflict with grace, you’re demonstrating a high level of emotional maturity. Understanding the ripple effect of your emotions is a crucial step in creating healthier and more harmonious relationships.
Conclusion: Are You Emotionally Intelligent?
Emotional maturity isn’t about being perfect or always having your emotions under control. It’s about the ability to take responsibility for your feelings, cultivate self-awareness, and understand how your emotions affect the people around you.
By practicing radical honesty with yourself, cultivating self-awareness through meditation, and managing the ripple effect of your emotions, you can continue to grow into a more emotionally sovereign and mature person. It’s a lifelong journey, but one that brings greater peace, healthier relationships, and a more fulfilling life.
So, ask yourself: Are you emotionally mature? If not, where can you start? Meditation is a great place. And something useful to remember: emotional intelligence isn’t a fixed destination—it’s a continuous process of becoming more aware, more responsible, and more connected to yourself and others.