For my daughter’s 15th birthday, I treated her to a Harry Styles concert. There I was, a dad surrounded by 15,000 giddy, elaborately dressed teenage girls in a sports stadium.
You may smirk at the vision of a wizened professor in a sea of boas and sequins. But the experience shot through me, a neuroscientist and observer of human nature, and launched me into thinking about happiness. Deep, unobstructed, carefree happiness — the kind we adults rarely experience anymore.
In Search of Extreme Happiness
A few years ago, I was at a conference in Rio de Janeiro, and our hosts took us to see a soccer game between the Flamengo and Vasco de Gama teams in the famous Maracanã stadium. The atmosphere was electrifying and a little frightening, even to this American football fan.
On the way out, we saw a shirtless, drunken fan dancing and singing, his face the picture of sheer happiness. Sven, my colleague from Canada, turned to me and said, “Moshe, what would it take for you to be that happy?”
At that moment, I wasn’t sure.
Scientists measure everything, including happiness. Earlier this year, a worldwide happiness survey showed that Americans are less happy than people in other countries and people under 30 are less happy than those over 60.
We pursue how to become happier. “How to” books on happiness climb bestseller lists. Harvard’s online “Managing Happiness” course is one of its most popular, and according to the Coursera website, more than 4 million people have enrolled in Yale’s “The Science of Well-Being” free online course.
As pivotal to our being as happiness is, the concept has no clear scientific definition. As a human, not a neuroscientist, I define happiness as the total number and length of moments in a good mood — the more, the merrier, literally.
But there are two caveats:
- Feeling good isn’t simple: The effects of more chocolate and high fives at work are limited and short-lived. Just as drug addicts develop tolerance and need increasing doses, we need more to summon happiness: more diversity, a balance of old and new experiences, new frequencies and amplitudes to fire brain molecules (neurotransmitters) of pleasure and reward.
- Maximizing how often and for how long one is in a good mood includes recognizing that this state comes in different flavors. Not every good mood requires the intensity of an idol’s concert or the thrum of a sports stadium. Calmly watching the sunset or lying on the grass under a tree can generate a happy mood, just in more muted colors.
So, happiness does not mean a collection of ecstatic moments. Instead, it’s a combination of moments of different positive moods. It is not even clear that being constantly in a good mood is good for us. Balance is important. In fact, it has been shown that a good mood can hurt our performance in certain tasks and behaviors.
Reframing and Immersion: Two Ways to Kindle Happiness
The critical thing to understand about happiness is that it is in our heads. External factors — things that happen to us and around us — can affect our happiness. But ultimately, it is how we respond to events or experiences that matters most.
I’ll give you an example. I like to run. I am not great at it, but I enjoy it and am keenly aware of its benefits to my physical and mental health, mood, and the capacity for my adult brain to grow new neurons.
Recently, I started to try getting back in shape after a long break by running a 10K course on a beach along the Mediterranean Sea. Soon, I was out of breath and, halfway through, succumbed to the discomfort and switched to walking.
Frustrated, I started to walk back home with heavy, negative emotions. I’ve certainly had experiences of ambition exceeding ability before. But this time, I had an epiphany. I looked up from trudging downcast on the beach and realized I was the only one with a sad face. Around me, people were enjoying the warm sun, the smell of the sea, and the gift of leisure time in a place of great beauty.
I learned this: By reframing my experience, I could be happier. I was lucky! I was on a beach in the middle of a weekday — not behind a computer in an office, sitting in a meeting, or laboring away at my writing. Nothing should have been able to make me feel bad at that moment. I was inflicting it on myself.
Switching the way I looked at the situation radically changed my state for the better.
Second, make time in your life for immersive experiences. Immersion involves a radical change of perspective: not thinking, wandering, or observing. Just sensing. Think about it. When was the last time you were so engaged in an activity that you got lost in it? Was it a walk up a challenging mountain path? A thrilling roller-coaster ride? A special kiss?
I wish I could describe the circumstances that summon spontaneous immersion, but the psychological and neuroscientific studies are just beginning. I can say with certainty, though, that we have the power to immerse ourselves “on demand.” Putting aside my work and phone and sitting on the floor playing with my children when they were young was an immersive experience. Two young women at the Harry Styles concert I observed turning to look at each other, their faces beaming, were having an immersive experience.
I can’t be more vigorous in my advice to make time in your life for immersive experiences.
No matter how long and hard I have studied the human brain, the idea that mere thoughts can profoundly affect feelings, even physical ones, has never ceased to amaze me. Mental activity determines our state of being. Heaven and hell are just figments of our minds.
This blog is adapted from Mindwandering: How Your Constant Mental Drift Can Improve Your Mood and Boost Your Creativity by Moshe Bar, Ph.D.