What Makes Us Resilient After Trauma?

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Source: Guren-The-Thirdeye / Pixabay

Pippi and Lyle were raised in a chaotic and abusive foster home. Their foster parents were cruel and dismissive, often using physical punishment and psychological abuse to maintain control. From an early age, Pippi knew that she wanted to get out and that school was likely her ticket. She focused on classes, taking college entrance exams, and was able to secure a scholarship to a school across the country.

Her twin brother, Lyle, lived in a constant state of survival mode. Unable to focus on classes or grades, he used his free time to self-medicate from the pain and anger he carried with him. When graduation came, he found himself without a job or a place to stay.

Years later, Pippi and Kyle still keep in touch. Pippi is now a professor at a college in another state, and Lyle is struggling to maintain sobriety, attending weekly AA meetings. When they get together, the rhetorical elephant in the room often lingers: Why was one able to escape and move forward, and the other struggled to do so?

In an era characterized by rapid change, global traumas, and personal challenges, resilience is often seen as a vital trait for managing trauma and stress. But what exactly makes us resilient? What allows some individuals like Pippi to rebound from seemingly horrific and devastating traumas while others, like Lyle, struggle to recover?

Resilience is often defined as the ability to bounce back from setbacks, adapt to challenging circumstances, and emerge stronger from adversity. It’s more than just enduring tough times; it’s about thriving despite them.

Many of my clients are survivors of traumatic childhoods filled with abuse and other relational traumas, yet they are some of the most resilient people I know. As a survivor myself, I often grapple with the word “resilient.” I never chose my circumstances; I just did what I had to do to survive. I’m sure many of my clients, and my readers, likely feel similar sentiments.

We often define resilience as the ability to be successful after traumas. A successful real estate mogul would likely be seen as more resilient than someone who is struggling with homelessness and substance use—yet, what if they had experienced the same early traumas? What makes one more likely to “rise above” and become successful? In the case of Pippi and Lyle, both having experienced the same (or similar) horrors, why the different life trajectories?

We may never know the specifics of why one person ends up having a different life path. But, despite all of the debate in the field about factors of resilience, here are five of the ways that researchers and clinicians have categorized resilience:

1. A positive mindset. Research suggests that individuals who maintain an optimistic outlook are better equipped to handle stress and overcome obstacles. This isn’t about ignoring difficulties or pretending everything is fine; rather, it’s about viewing challenges as opportunities for growth. Pippi often focused on the end result: getting out of her situation. This likely helped her to focus on the solution and maintain some semblance of hope.

2. Strong and supportive relationships. Studies show that individuals with strong social networks are more likely to recover from trauma and stress. There’s no surprise that those who have strong, supportive relationships fare better in times of stress. Supportive relationships provide emotional support, making us feel like we are not alone. Many survivors of child abuse and traumatic households often recount that they did not have a safe adult to go to in times of stress. This lack of a supportive adult greatly influences young people’s reactions. If, like Pippi, they are able to find support through teachers and healthy adults at school or another community support, this increases their resilience.

3. A growth mindset. A growth mindset, a term coined by psychologist Carol Dweck, is another critical component of resilience. This mindset involves believing that moving forward can be achieved through effort and perseverance. Pippi’s focus on school and her education likely contributed to her growth mindset: she had a goal she was working toward, and she believed this goal was her ticket out.

4. The ability to find purpose and meaning. Although this can often seem impossible when we are dealing with a crisis or other traumas, the ability to find a sense of purpose and meaning provides a powerful source of resilience. When individuals have clear goals and a sense of direction, similar to the example in the above case vignette, they are more likely to persevere through challenges.

Engaging in activities that align with one’s values and passions can enhance this sense of purpose. Whether it’s through personal goals, professional ambitions, or contributions to the community, having a sense of purpose provides individuals with the motivation to overcome obstacles and continue moving forward. In adulthood, Lyle found that when he started volunteering as a peer mentor for a youth soccer league, he was able to maintain his sobriety. He had found his sense of purpose: helping others.

5. Adaptability: The ability to adapt in response to traumatic, chaotic, and rapidly changing circumstances plays a key role in resilience. For some, this can look like taking care of one’s physical health through regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate rest. For others, this might be setting aside time for relaxation and pursuing hobbies, self-care activities that help individuals recharge and maintain their emotional and physical health.