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Participating in new experiences makes life at once less predictable and more intriguing. Refraining from such involvement robs you of the opportunity for the gratification that comes from escaping the routines that eventually can numb you out.
After all, habitual, automatic reactions dull the senses—and that’s hardly enlivening for anyone. Our curiosity is deadened when over time we’ve contrived, however inadvertently, to have less and less to be curious about. Whatever need for adventure we may possess can’t be met when what’s novel or unprecedented becomes in our mind linked with danger.
Nonetheless, some people, endowed with—maybe even cursed by—an anxiety that’s as distorted as it is overblown are destined to avoid practically everything they’re not already familiar with.
So let’s take a look at 4 things that make some people (possibly you?) waffle when thinking about tackling something that initially feels awkward and uncomfortable.
1. Fearing Failure—Personal and Interpersonal
Particularly in our competitive society, trying something unprecedented can involve risks, one of the largest of which is that others may negatively assess our performance as it compares with our competitors’. And we all share a tendency to avoid what could earn the disapproval—or, at its worse, censure—of those surrounding us.
It may well be that this fear of society’s judgment constitutes the very root of self-consciousness—the worrisome regard for how others perceive us.
Just as success breeds success, avoidance—mainly to escape the pressure to succeed when we lack confidence in the outcome of our behavior—is likely to engender additional avoidance. Because of this hesitancy, and its effect on taking appropriate action, our fear of defeat can leave us paralyzed.
2. Fearing the Unknown
Evolutionary psychology researchers have repeatedly confirmed that our survival instincts generate our wariness of anything we’ve not before experienced.
And what might that look like?
Say, you’re out in the woods and hear a sound you’re not familiar with. Maybe it’s a wild animal that hasn’t yet made its presence physically known. Better to hide, or to take off as fast as your legs can carry you—just in case?
Moreover, considering risk vs. reward, the hazards of not acting would seem greater than any commensurate reward.
3. Negative Experiences From the Past
Adding to the anxious reluctance to undertake that which is unfamiliar is the possibility that mistakes you’ve made in the past hinder you in undertaking something with which you have limited experience.
Have any of these past erroneous behaviors caused you embarrassment or shame? Were your caretakers highly critical of you when your behavior inconvenienced them or failed to meet their unrealistically lofty expectations?
Did that do a number on you—prompting you, going forward, to avoid taking even minor risks, convinced that it was best to evade anything you weren’t certain of?
4. Fear of Leaving Your Comfort Zone
Unquestionably, we’re more relaxed when we’re operating within our comfort zone. Moving outside this safe space, that which because of its familiarity feels relatively easy, can be challenging. And it’s a challenge that, if at all possible, we’d prefer to avoid.
Doubtless, you’d feel more comfortable coping with something you already understand than be confronted with anything that feels more intimidating. That’s because we all have defense mechanisms that motivate us to shy away from whatever initially makes us apprehensive.
Getting Past Anxiety-Catalyzing Avoidance
Overcoming the various causes for avoidance requires several steps which, to be effective, must be adopted gradually; otherwise, your self-protective mechanisms will feel threatened, and stubbornly resist any modification or change.
Here are some ways to avoid your avoidance:
1. Start Modestly
Begin by introducing minor changes or by trying activities that are only mildly intimidating.
2. Alter Your Pessimistic Self-Talk
Transfer your focus from the potential for failure to the opportunities for learning and growth offered you through taking action. Remind yourself, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.”
3. Seek Others’ Support
To increase the odds for your eventual success in dealing with unfamiliar situations, look for friends or family members willing to encourage you to explore all your options and offer you ongoing reassurance.
4. Practice Mindfulness
Centered and stable in the present moment, accept what is and deal with it directly.
Relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and systematic desensitization, can help you better manage the anxiety you experience when confronted with new, unfamiliar challenges.
© 2024 Leon F. Seltzer, PhD. All Rights Reserved.