It’s Only September and the Teacher Says There’s Already an Issue

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Did you start the school year imagining or wishing it would go smoothly, but then you get a call or email from your child’s school? Did you say to yourself that it’s still the month of September? What could they possibly be reaching out about? And you have a feeling that it’s nothing good. Maybe you are a worrier, and you have been wondering if your child, who is in elementary school, will struggle with reading. If your child is older, you may worry about the constant challenge of turning in their work or thoroughly completing it. Given a previous encounter with the same teacher about your older child, you might even be on notice. Or you have heard through the grapevine that this teacher can be a bulldog about nothing. And finally, maybe you wonder if the teacher is worried about your child because they fall into some underrepresented category or a group where negative bias may be a more frequent occurrence.

What Should You Do? Maybe Not Much

I suggest you take a breath and be glad the school reached out. Be happy that you know what’s on the teacher’s mind. Take a step back. Knowing what’s on the school’s mind, even if you don’t like what you are hearing, is better than not knowing, especially when the thoughts are about any difficulty your child might be having or that the teacher believes they are having with your child.

The Pollyanna Effect

Years ago, I wrote about what I called the Pollyanna Effect. It is the tendency on the part of the school to deliver a message in such pretty language that the parent doesn’t even recognize the message the school is trying to send. The parent does little or nothing; the problem persists, and the student, their child, doesn’t significantly recover from whatever issue the school identified, but the parent doesn’t know this. They never knew there was a problem in the first place. The school talks about the child and the parents, who they characterize as not fully appreciating the educational process or their child’s place among their peers. And this entire scenario could have been avoided with more transparency. So be thankful that you may have skirted this situation, even though you got news you didn’t want to hear.

How to Understand the Teacher’s Concerns and What to Do

Now, there are two possibilities. First possibility: There is really an issue that the school is addressing, and you can possibly address it as well. If, based on what they share, their data seem to support the possibility of some difficulty, I would ask the school directly if there is anything you can do, and if so, what? If not, you can ask what the school thinks will address the situation. Second possibility: If, on the other hand, you believe the school is overreacting, you want to gently share with them why you think they are wrong. And if you can use a series of questions to help them realize this, rather than your having to directly point out their error, so much the better.

Two Examples

An example of the former. The school has identified an issue, and you don’t necessarily disagree. My nephew, who is now entering college, was in kindergarten when the teacher contacted my brother and sister-in-law in September to tell them she was placing my nephew in a chair during morning floor time. I understood her feedback to signal that he was likely bothering his teacher and other students during the morning’s instruction time at the circle — he may have been lying on the floor or having easy access to interesting objects on nearby bookshelves. I was actually relieved that the teacher was doing something. It was a small action, and it addressed the issue. It grounded him, making it a little harder for him to roll around on the floor and bother his peers.

An example of the latter. Let’s say your kid is behind in something in the eyes of their teacher. Maybe their reading ability isn’t at the level the teacher expects or would like. You don’t totally disagree, but you think it’s something that can be remedied fairly easily. And you definitely don’t think it says anything about your child’s overall capability or future opportunities. You might even think there is a reasonable explanation for the delay or slight weakness. It may be related to the curriculum at their old school or because their regular teacher was suddenly replaced by a substitute who lacked the necessary curriculum background. Or it could be that your child is six years old, and their previous daycare program focused on social-emotional learning rather than reading and associated foundational skills. Bottom line, if you think there are reasonable explanations for your child’s current performance that should be taken into consideration, I suggest that you take a questioning approach.

Ask the teacher questions, which will lead the teacher to consider these same possible explanations you believe explain the situation. If you imagined that your child didn’t have certain instructions, you could say, if my daughter wasn’t taught “X” last year, how long would it take her to be up to speed with peers? By asking this question, you are reminding or gently telling them of your child’s past experience and implying that it would be unreasonable to think they would be capable of a task they were never taught. You could also gently say that it would seem unreasonable to expect that she would be able to do “X” and “Y” without any coaching or instruction. You could ask how long it takes students to catch on to whatever the teacher thinks your child is behind. You are suggesting they consider a reasonable time frame for acquiring the skill in question.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

So, be happy that the school reached out to you, even though it may seem too early in the year. Some teachers are particularly good at spotting issues. My nephew only needed a chair. They also said he was the weakest reader in the class. He worked with the teacher and tutor for several months and now loves reading. A couple of years ago, he read Dante’s Inferno, a book I have yet to read.